Hey ya'll... I know I keep coming late to the party, but better late than never? Before I head into things, just want to wish Blackie a happy birthday. 34, huh? Man, you're a young-un. Hope you've got some special stuff lined up to celebrate this weekend?
Oh, Honey...
Quote: I'm not sure that having a big "what do you need from me" discussion would make things better or worse with him. Probably worse. He would see it as HIGHLY unmasculine to have such a convo, though he'd begrudgingly participate. (mrH does what he's told, after all)
Honey, all transitions are going to be met with some resistance. So expect any changes to be difficult at first. Perhaps if you can teach him how to communicate with you, things might move in a more intimate sharing. Follow the adage of only rewarding the positive efforts?
Mr. Wonderful also told me that he didn't have emotions. You do realize that it's a stalling tactic to deflect them from sharing? Sharing is probably the most intimate connection one can have with another--because it requires trust, vulnerability and complete openness. And some people (I refuse to make any gender statements, because I know some women who share this dynamic) have conditioned themselves to shutting off the pipeline to revealing emotions to others. I'd be willing to bet there are some deep rooted FOO issues there--because I sure as heck know that it's true for me.
So perhaps you start small. You share small things that don't require too much focus from Mr. HP. Keep it short--10-15 minutes. Thank him for listening and reward him in a 5LL manner. And start by sharing non-critical-but HP related tidbits... one where YOU share emotion and label properly.
For example, if some PTO b!tch said something that hurt you. You tell him that you're hurt and looking for reassurance. When he gives it to you, express gratitude and reward.
Even if he never learns how to do it with you (and I think that was your point--you're not looking for him to do this), give him the tools to allow YOU to be you WITH him. Does this make sense?
I feel your pain. I think these are difficult exercises in building intimacy. And from what I've learned about you, me and a slew of other women here, we can have sex (and lots of it) without intimacy. But at some point, women just crave some level of sharing with their men--if only they're willing to just tune in for a few minutes.
That's on my wish list for my next man. Memo to me: Search for man with 2 huge ears and a little mouth. Big tongue, though.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
