No he doesn't. He pressures the crap out of them not to cry. "What are you crying about?!? Would you STOP!" In his words, he doesn't want to 'deal with it'.
That’s not good. Has he read anything about how this non-validation affects kids?
OTOH, he does like to be my knight in shining armor but more along the lines of having me dish out the WOA over something he's made for me (new kitchen cabinets, for example).
This is nice, but it doesn’t really count, IMO. There is a world of difference in vulnerability levels between complimenting carpentry work and telling him how much he means to you, how he makes you feel like a woman and all that good stuff.
I am starting to pick up the slightest tinge of deflection in your responses, because I notice that you defend him at times, though at others you bash him. This statement about the cabinets seems to be one of those defenses, almost like you rally to his side when there is a mutually perceived risk of opening the emotional lid. If that lid opens, then you are vulnerable too, so team up and keep it shut. Do you sense this?
At any rate, I'm not all that interested in why he does it..I just want to continue to create an atmosphere that feels 'safe' to him so that he can open up, if the mood strikes him.
Now that was clear as mud. How can you create this atmosphere if you don’t know why, when, where and how he needs you to do it? If you’re not interested in why he feels as he does, why should he be interested in why you feel as you do?
Regarding the Dr. Laura comment, what I meant is that she does a good job in explaining that men truly do have deep emotions and feelings, often much deeper than their wives may suspect. Just because those feelings are not shown does not mean they don’t exist. I get this ALL the time from my wife, that men are just dumb, logical, unempathic creatures. What I am learning to hear is this is that she NEEDS me to be this way because if I am vulnerable, then she might have to become vulnerable. And that is too scary.
