Cobra, You lost me on your last post. Of course I would want him to support me but he really doesn't. What I need is a way to gently guide him towards ways to support me, whilst managing to keep control of myself. Communicating with my H is a supremely frustrating exercise, in ALL areas not just support or intimacy, so when I am under emotional stress I can just barely hang in there with it. However, I can do it. I just haven't yet.
Corri, thank you for the article. I will read it as soon as I have time. Today has been an incredibly insane day. I've done a hundred crafts with the kids and been an all around supermom and I'm fcukin exhausted. LOL I can say that to you but in a play group, notsomuch. hahaaaa
Blackfoot, I *never* invalidate what he is saying or feeling. He is irritated that I am there, in his space, while he is upset/disappointed/sad/insert emotion here. I've tried saying comforting things (we'll get through it); I've tried no words and physical touch (rubbing shoulders); I've tried asking if there's anything I can do. It is all pretty much met with the same response which is: I appreciate what you're trying to do but you need to get the #$*& away from me.
So from all this talk, you all no doubt get the picture that MrH and I love each other to pieces but still haven't got the hang of this intimacy thing, though we are getting better at it.
I'm off to read about receiving. Corri, I will say up front--and then check back in with you--that I'm actually quite good at receiving. Cripes, for the first 3 years of my marriage it's all I *did*. Learning how to give on a regular basis has been the 'work' that I've done. Giving to my kids is easy...they're loud and demanding, right...but giving to him is another story. It didn't even occur to me for the longest time and even now I have to make conscious efforts to give of MYSELF to him.
