Quote: A sample convo might go like this: (honeypot feeling frustrated over xyz) HP: H, can I talk to you for a minute? Know up front that I just want you to listen to me and make 'there, there' noises at me... MrHP: I'm your man for the job. HP: Well it concerns xyz and I just don't think I can take it anymore. I'm at my wits' end. MrH: Why don't you do this? HP: H, remember that you were going to just listen? MrH: Right, right....go on. (frustrated sigh) HP: You're bummin me out. I'm not all that inclined to keep sharing with you if you are going to make pissy noises about it. MrH: Well, what is it I'm supposed to do here? Just nod my head? Do you have to dictate my every stinkin move? HP: No, I'm just telling you upfront what I need right now. MrH: Well you know what the Bible says about it...(insert long dissertation that is neither here nor there, most of the time) HP: Yeah, well, I'd like you to listen to what *I* have to say, since that was the whole point of this thing. MrH: How long is this going to last? I've got stuff to do. HP: (gives cold stare and calls end to conversation.)
If that is how your convos go, then sweety, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but YOU are the one who is diverting and getting off track. Where I think you are is what I've marked in bold.
Rather than proceed with the convo, you turned it on him because of his exhasperated sigh. I realize that is not the response you asked for... however... I don't think the <sigh> is about you... more along the lines of him expressing his own frustration for not 'doing it right.' So now, the convo is not about what you asked him for, but how is he supposed to respond... and of course he is going to defend himself.
I would also imagine the reason why he runs from intimate convos and 'there, there' moments is because he thinks he doesn't 'do it' right, and he's going to make the sitch worse instead of better... and if it gets worse, then he's REALLY in trouble. So... he encourages you to get better as fast as possible so he doesn't have to fret. It's my guess that it isn't so much what you are asking of him, but HOW you are asking... keep on task, girl. His NATURAL inclination is to fix, and when you ask him NOT to do that, I'm sure it takes him a moment to 'realign.' He has to slow down and THINK about it, instead of doing what comes natural. Help him a little bit so he can give you the empathy and compassion you are seeking.
Just a guess on my part.
So... I would approach the intimate convo thing just like you approached the whole sex issue... compliment him for his effort, thank him for his willingness to 'work on it,' when he gives you support or encouragement without asking for it... point it out to him. "There. Just like that. That's what I'm talking about. That's very nice."
I'm sure with your razor sharp mind, once you get your mind around this one, he's going to feel like comforting you is and always has been natural for him, and all his idea.
