You know, I am not one of those women who thinks, "He should just know.."; I have no problem stating exactly what I need.
I suppose my problem in this matter comes in the fact that I have to say it *every time*. That, to me, gets old real quick. Corri, I have used (or paraphrased) those exact words you suggested with him. I've had varying levels of success with it. I'm not sure what the problemo is, other than what I wrote re: his attention span. A sample convo might go like this: (honeypot feeling frustrated over xyz) HP: H, can I talk to you for a minute? Know up front that I just want you to listen to me and make 'there, there' noises at me... MrHP: I'm your man for the job. HP: Well it concerns xyz and I just don't think I can take it anymore. I'm at my wits' end. MrH: Why don't you do this? HP: H, remember that you were going to just listen? MrH: Right, right....go on. (frustrated sigh) HP: You're bummin me out. I'm not all that inclined to keep sharing with you if you are going to make pissy noises about it. MrH: Well, what is it I'm supposed to do here? Just nod my head? Do you have to dictate my every stinkin move? HP: No, I'm just telling you upfront what I need right now. MrH: Well you know what the Bible says about it...(insert long dissertation that is neither here nor there, most of the time) HP: Yeah, well, I'd like you to listen to what *I* have to say, since that was the whole point of this thing. MrH: How long is this going to last? I've got stuff to do. HP: (gives cold stare and calls end to conversation.)
He deflects the entire time so that he doesn't have to be confronted with my discomfort.
I remember the day after my dad's funeral he walked in the room and saw me crying steady, steady tears. He stopped suddenly and said, What's the matter?? I replied (incredulously) What do you think is the matter? He came back with, Man how long is this going to last? I said, H he was just buried yesterday. Yeah, that's true, he says.
He has just been spoiled with happy go lucky Honeypot our entire M and he subtly but firmly tries to direct my mood back to that place, regardless of the circumstances. And most of the time, I let him.
Anyway, I suppose the answer is to say that mantra every single time til it sinks in his noggin. I can do that.
For what it's worth, he absolutely sucks at validation and 'there there' noises AND he bristles if I try to do it to him, when he's down about something. Oh man, them's fighting words to him. LOL Perhaps blackfoot can enlighten me as to why a man would NOT want to be comforted when they're down. Btw, I'm not an over-the-top comforter. I simply say one tiny thing (wow that sucks) and he's snapping my head off. I actually think it's funny, lest anyone think I'm whining about it. Of course, I don't laugh to his face but you kwim.
