Hi Corri... It sounds like you are delighting in your femininity...what a cool thing! I know for myself that when I am kind, warm, sweet, etc. it creates the right environment for my H to respond to me. And I enjoy being this person. And it feels sensual. Unfortunately I came from a family where there was a lot of overt hostility expressed: my parents are constantly berating one another and putting each other down. Part of me feels like this is normal behavior, that they're being genuine with each other. I sometimes feel fake when I am being nice. Yet, if I want a respectful, loving relationship maybe at times I need to act the part a bit...try a little harder. If I use my parents as role models..well, they are close and committed to each other but I never saw real intimacy between them. This competitive thing women have with men comes from years of being repressed and wanting equality...our generation really went overboard righting the wrongs, to the detriment of our sensuality.
Anyway...gladn you are discovering new ways of being and feeling...it sounds exciting! Maybe you'd consider opeing an ettiquite school for delinquent, pseudo-independent, caustic brainy women.
