I RARELY Look at any forum outside of the SSM. When I saw you post to HP that time, I went and read thru a couple of your thread to find out ...how come she is so smart/and why is she here.. I was under the impression then you had instigated the D but regretted it, and I was hopeful for you but its so hard from that angle... I was mistaken, and think your sitch has even more potential for hopefulness. I quit posting here intentionally once,(hid under a rock) the rest of the time its simply time that prevents me. I am back to my old self, actually I went to far back for a while, but Im back now... so nothing here will affect my state anymore.
I stick around, despite the fact that I would have erased x from my daily/weekly/monthly thoughts long ago if I wasnt here. I've noticed the more I post here, the more LD I am. That actually is a beneficial thing. I think looking at and talking about the mating dance so much, just quenches any desire to actually take part in it. Its like being in a class working on a cadaver, or looking at rotten.com to long, I start to see people as a collection of parts instead the whole unit.
If Im too busy to post for more then a week or so... Hey baby How YOU doin..<eyebrow waggle>
So any trip outside SSM is usually because some lurker makes a comment and then Ill go look at a thread. The folks on the SSM board have captive and commited partners in the R's, and my main focus is on assisting guys with seeing that female desire is not such a will-o-wisp. any guy in a dysfunctional R is gonna be sex starved...so I imagine many on the BB lurk here. I cant even begin to describe how much I have learned, and learned about myself, from being here because of other posters sharing.
I was reading thru Mel's thread tonight, and saw a few comments by your friend MTW. She seems to be sliding into a slightly... bitter and ridgid place. She really knows her pysch, she has so much good advise for others, and how to stay in control by using it, but I believe like corri mentioned that women are empowered by using there feminine attributes, as opposed to trying to don a cloak of masculine power. I dont know how to approach it. Maybe you do?
In my recent female associations, I encounter what Corri commented on, repeatedly. Because of my experience and knowledge, I have little trouble bypassing the testing of these smart, 'successful' women. When I say passing the testing, I mean they are very quickly infatuated. Ignoring the fact that this infatuation shows a lack of boundaries, and trying to appreciate it for what it is, it still becomes apparent in social situations that these women try to implement and use the male attributes they find attractive on me (umm Im not gay, its not gonna work, I dont care how pretty you are) and others. Like corri was saying, I can tell just from the way they talk and interact, they dont get it. I can tell the diminished testing towards me is a reaction. Im looking for awareness. The lack of it is why I quit with x and it wiped me out focusing on the negative, so that I was able to stifle my inclination to fix it by using romantic attraction. No more white knight behavior.(yeah right)
anyways, Its really rampant. While the bashing of masculinity is pretty overt and public, I think the derision and elimination of femininity is even more pervasive, and unacknowledged to the detriment of women. I think it affects them detrimentally physically.
And since I'm not a ditz (or a blonde ) or lacking an opinion, I couldn't imagine myself programming that way. Thanks for reassuring me.
Hey HP is a blonde, and she isnt lacking an opinion. LOL. Some people are 'blonde on the inside'. Old joke, Robin givens> OMG! I just dont understand why my H,(mike tyson) is sooo violent. Like, I dont understand why he hits me, I know he Loves me!
that you can peg the women who come into the scuba shop for ulterior motives What surprises me is my acquaintences and friends who cant tell. The majority are there for there own reasons, those that are there for both... I think thats great and smart. Its proactive and thats attractive and admirable. For whatever reason Im pretty sensitive to incongruence. I remember the time and place when x became attracted to OM, what he did to initiate it, and her shifting personality and confusions, over the next few months.
Dont worry about your swimming skills. Its not an issue. Just go to cancun (or wherever) and do it.
I also understand why Mr. W. had the reaction he did when my D9 got her diagnosis. Doesn't mean I like it, but I do understand it. You know what I think would have been acceptable and perfectly fine? For him to have just hugged me and let me cry. I'd have felt comforted and he could have been my man.
Completely agreed. Im gonna dicuss this more in my reply to Corri. She brought up some good stuff.
Honestly, I look back and see 2 human beings who were scared to death, hurting and grieving. And I don't think either one of us had a good handle on ourselves, so we couldn't offer each other support
exactly. is it unattractive, demoralizing, dreamshattering. Yes. does it make the op a 'bad person' or valueless. No. In a situation like your case, and in the case of death of a child, its no wonder that the majority lead to seperation or D. Both parties are simply incapable of providing the necessary emotional support and are reminders of the pain. they are understandably too self involved with own pain and loss. I apologize for dredging this, but how old was your youngest D when this happened?
