Can't speak for honey, but I was at a ballroom dance competition for most of the week. Just got back tonight.
Interesting stuff, UD. I checked out the Doyle woman... and while I agree with her in a gernal sort of way, I am SOOOOOOOOOOO against manipulation and capitulation that, to me, it hurts her credibility.
You really should give the girly-girl thing a whirl. It really isn't that bad... actually, it is quite empowering.
It's funny... I was interacting with a lot of people this week, and I was just stunned (don't know why) at the number of unhappy people out there in the world.... it's there, just lurking below the surface... just have to nudge it a bit, and it all comes spilling out. Most people are in an SSM in one form or another... I listen to stories that are often just slightly altered versions of the stories told here... and I'm not kidding you... most of it is centered on the WOMEN just not have a flippin' clue.
I met one woman... a very, very pretty blond, very smart, lots of letters behind her name... very accomplished woman... telling me about how wonderful her boyfriend is, etc., but how she was beginning to lose patience with him not asking her to marry him. Mind you, I just met this woman, I'm sitting in a group of three ladies, and I'm just listening, not saying a word.
She goes on and on about how wonderful, talented, beautiful she is, how she is very comfortable in her own skin, has things she wants to accomplish in her life (all about HER, kwis?)... then proceeds to drop these 'barbs' against men in general and against her boyfriend. She's decided she will not have children, she will adopt, she outlines how she keeps men 'in line' because they fear her wrath, so they don't mess with her... and mind you, she is saying all of this in a very cutesy, charming kind of way...
I'm listening to all of this, and it got to the point that I just couldn't help myself, I started laughing. I'm thinking... you are seriously wondering why this man is not asking to marry you? Really? Needless to say, I did not earn a friend there... but I didn't really care. The sheer venom being poored out towards men in general in that converation, and in others I had heard all week long... made me very sad. But it also made me more determined to keep me from ever doing it myself.
I met a few friends of the guy I am 'dating,' and one of his friends is one of the funniest people I've ever met. They constantly dig on one another, and he really is very funny. I think this is a form of 'man' testing, but I was given ample opportunity all week long to join in on this good natured ribbing the friend was doling out and heaping on my boyfriend... good natured put-downs, etc. But that whole 'convo with the blonde' kept popping into my head... things I've learned here and from my failed M... so I never once jumped in and put him down, even in jest... and I think the friend was almost doing it on purpose to me... I'd laugh at him... but I'd never jump in on the ribbing. That's a guy thing, and for me to join in and do it, too, felt, to me, very disrespectful, even if it was just 'joking.' As a matter of fact, every 'rib' or tease he'd throw out... I'd counter with a compliment. Genuine, not fake. It was AMAZING to see how these men, and the guy I am dating... reacted to that. And I thought to myself, well, by golly, I AM on to something here.
This, coming from a woman, who most of her life had more guy friends than girls. I can 'hang' with guys. I can banter and tease and joke with the best of them. But I didn't really realize, until recently, how I was never seen as a 'woman' by my guy friends, either. I was just being and learning to be 'one of the guys.' I think it really hurt me in regard to relationships.
I'm learning to be a woman around men now. That doesn't mean I'm any less smart, or that I 'let' him win, or that I don't joke, or I hide who I am in any way. I just don't compete. I don't put them down. If I run into a man that I don't really like, whose company I don't enjoy... I just leave his company as soon as I am able, in a polite manner. No need to tell him in a round about way how arrogant I think he is... or to 'outdo' him in some way just to show him I am in fact smarter than he is... (as i was very good at doing in the past)... I just don't need to do it... because I am happy being the woman I am.... I mean... I really LIKE being a woman... and it just stuns the hell out of me.
The blonde woman I met... and I met quite a few like her this week... she is a woman competing in a man's world, and using her looks, body, talent and intelligence in any way she can to maintain and gain advantage over men AND other women. I used to do it, too, so I don't want to come across as holier-than-thou... I just don't know WHY, or when or where or how... I learned that that was what I was supposed to do. That's manipulation. The blonde, or any woman, for that matter, doesn't have to hide her many physical and intellectual attributes or be ashamed of them... but a girl like the women I met this week, a woman I used to be... is what I think is giving the female gender a bad name.... and causing countless problems for relationships of all types. The saddest part of it all is that, she -- like myself at one time, has no earthly idea what she's doing, let alone how to change it... she just continues to b!tch and complain, and be unhappy.
I think Blackie is spot on... it's an amazing thing when a woman allows a man to treat her like a woman...when she stops competing.... when a woman treats a man like a man. It's pretty flipping cool, actually.
