Happy Birthday Corri!

[Underdog]

Awww, Lou. (((((Lou))))) I'm hoping Corri will forgive us for hijacking.

Well, you pretty much pegged Mr. W. and his penchant for generics. But he does prefer Miracle Whip.

Well Betsey, i thought I knew the roles but I got it wrong too.

Lou, I think many of us got it wrong. I've forgiven myself for thinking my way was the only way. How about you?

When BB started working, she replaced many things, good things, because she didn't make the final buying decision, she didn't like them because she didn't buy the things. To her, I was too controlling. <sheesh> I thought I was doing her and us a favor.

Lou, I think we were both guilty of thinking that our way was for the betterment of all. Even if the flip side of this truth coin reveals that they abdicated power/control for whatever reason. I see now how that hurt my M. I won't be doing that next time around, though.

Well, I think if he had been here and reading all the posts by you men, he'd have grasped some alpha male knowledge. It would have been swell if he had told me that having control actively (rather than passive/aggressively) was important to him. Most of the time, he'd just answer my questions with "I don't care/It doesn't matter." Turns out he wasn't being truthful.

(((Betsey))), I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you needed a person as strong and determined to match your inner strengths. Is it likely Mr W has that in him or could learn those traits.

Sometimes when people get together, the R seems simple but later they realise there is more to a R and family. Some people wonder if they are strong enough and some wonder if they were in over their heads.

I always thought that having, and extra work raising a child like your second D, makes it hard on couples no matter how much they love the child. You know about people questioning their own genetics, or did they do something wrong to cause a child to be born the way they were. You know guilt. Then there are things too numerous to mention.

Thanks, Lou. I've often wondered what he felt about D9. We had the genetic tests done early on, and the defective gene was traced to me and my family. I wonder if deep down inside he blamed me? He's never said that or hinted at that, so I don't think it's true. I agree with your musings here, though.

Back to Mr W, did he date hi maintenance/highly accomplished girls. Did he have a high sense of ability in R's, socially, and in work? Some people do, some don't.

He had a varied mix of women before me. The GF/fiancee he had immediately before me was the complete opposite of me. She was a psychological mess... a broken bird who needed rescuing. The women before her were all very intelligent and accomplished engineers. His complete intellectual peers. I've been told by most (if not all) of his friends that I'm by far the most fun and interesting person he was ever with. He didn't have one friend who didn't like me--and way back when, he told me that it was the biggest turn on for him. The GFs before me all had issues with his friends and vice versa. He figured that counted a whole lot in the grand scheme. Most of his friends keep in touch with me now, too.

I have her books too and "I" read them but that is as far as it went.

Lou, I still use some of the practical knowledge I learned from that book. I used it tonight. I've been debating whether or not to take the girls back east for Thanksgiving (something we've done for 4 years now). For some odd reason, I'm having misgivings about doing that--even though I'd love to see my parents and friends, I just feel that I want to stay home.

I put in a call to Mr. W. last night and asked him if his dad was still planning on heading down from Bozeman to spend Thankgiving with him. He answered my question a little while ago, letting me know that he needs to call his dad to see if that's still the plan. He asked me why, so I told him that I was rethinking travel plans to DC (he had given me his blessing back in August when we discussed this, so he was a bit surprised). I got a little quiet and said, "It's been 4 years since you've seen the girls on Thanksgiving Day, and I'm feeling something tug at my heart about that." I could feel the heaviness in the air and he said quietly, "Wow. It's been that long?" It wasn't really a question but a very sad commentary. I said, "Yes. And I'm thinking that I'd like to give you and your Dad a chance to have them if I can." I don't think he knew what to think or say, Lou. He responded, "If that's what you decide to do, I'll cook and have you and the girls come over to join us, okay?" I told him, "Or I can cook too and have you guys over."

He just told me he'd let me know as soon as he talked to his dad. I'm seriously thinking of wrestling some control here... I'd like to cook, if only for one reason. I'd like the chance to do something for his dad... something his Mom accused me of not doing for her son/our family when we were still married. It seemed to really bug them that he did most of the cooking, and I'd like the chance to change a very old perception. I'll let you know how that pans out.

When we hung up, he seemed almost reluctant to say goodbye. We have our standard closing--something we've shared since the time we dated. We close all our convos with, "Ciao for now." and then we say bye. His "bye" was kind of emotional and squeaky. I'm feeling a little sad about pointing out the obvious to him. I know that he's been contemplating and reviewing lately, and this truth must hurt a whole lot. My D12 told me earlier this week that he's told her that he honestly regrets the damage he caused by his choices. I know he means it.

Be well too, Lou. You are a very dear man, and I've become most fond of you. Now, I must find my D9, who is stomping around the house in roller blades. She's scaring the dog witless.

Take care,

Betsey

p.s. Lou, I don't blame you for wanting a spouse who doesn't criticize you 75% of the time. I wouldn't either. And I got that from Laura too. I have learned to keep my mouth shut in that department. Except at work.