Re Underdog (((Betsey))) Ugh, Lou. Tell me you didn't pay the money? No, I didn't pay any money. You know guys like me and Mr W buy the generic mayonnaise, just kidding. No money, I just down loaded the free-bees.
I just couldn't stomach doing... like donning slutty furry bedroom slippers and lying on the bed in an inviting position and begging him to ML to me. I understand. Kind of not my style either.
just to let my man have all the answers. Do you know how upset that made me? I can imagine that would upset you from reading many of your posts about work and family life. I don't think many guys really want a partner like that. OTH, being a male, I don't like my partner to find fault with 75% of the things I propose or talk about.
I don't think I ever played into the concept of there being natural world order in masculine and feminine roles Well Betsey, i thought I knew the roles but I got it wrong too.
she made her point. I don't think I ever let Mr. Wonderful have any answer. That is sort of what I am dealing with now.
BB said she used to defer to me. The way I see things I listened to what BB wanted and if I wanted it too I got it or did it. Most of the things we have were her idea, but I actually did the research and the buying of what I though gave us the most bang for the buck. BB got what was handy or looked nice and rarely did much comparison shopping.
Fast forward, now everything we got was because I wanted it, I picked it out, I paid for it. BB never had much say????? because I made the final decision????
When BB started working, she replaced many things, good things, because she didn't make the final buying decision, she didn't like them because she didn't buy the things. To her, I was too controlling. <sheesh> I thought I was doing her and us a favor.
the truth is that he never, ever took control I am struggling with that too.
Control if I am right in BB's mind is fine but if something is a little off and she tends to split hairs and is picky, well, then I am the slightly self-centered control master.
I feel I am a push-over because so many things get picked apart and I really want BB to be happier so I don't stand up to her sometimes. I have been standing up to her more in the last couple of years.
If there was a rule book I could follow it but each couple writes their own rules.
Not having the best childhood, some not so good jobs, I learned that good enough is good enough. BB wants it better but isn't willing to stretch herself to make things happen which leaves it up to me or sometimes I don't get it done.
Do you think, Mr W, given his back ground, should have taken more control. It doesn't sound like with all of his family oddities I read about, he has a firm sense of what was his job and what was your job and who controlled which part.
I know for me, living 28 places during school, living with different relatives with many of their own kids, I don't know if I ever saw much more than people being nice and mostly getting by.
He ran away at the first sign of conflict and left me standing there and holding the bag (((Betsey))), I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you needed a person as strong and determined to match your inner strengths. Is it likely Mr W has that in him or could learn those traits.
Sometimes when people get together, the R seems simple but later they realise there is more to a R and family. Some people wonder if they are strong enough and some wonder if they were in over their heads.
I always thought that having, and extra work raising a child like your second D, makes it hard on couples no matter how much they love the child. You know about people questioning their own genetics, or did they do something wrong to cause a child to be born the way they were. You know guilt. Then there are things too numerous to mention.
Back to Mr W, did he date hi maintenance/highly accomplished girls. Did he have a high sense of ability in R's, socially, and in work? Some people do, some don't.
I never felt I should bite off more than I could chew when I dated a little, but I was supporting my mother at the time. I never went for the hi maintenance/ very capable girls because I didn't have the money, the social skills, or the time. I did all that I could though.
So I'll begrudgingly give Laura some credit for forcing me to think about some things I had never been inclined to consider before. Because when I put some of her theories to test with Mr. Wonderful, they were dead on.
I have her books too and "I" read them but that is as far as it went.
Be well Betsey. It is always a joy to read your posts.
