Happy Birthday Corri!

[Underdog]

Honey--Well, looks like we both hijacked the Blackie/Corri thread, and they don't seem to mind... but what you wrote was a shocker!

It's hard for me to give. I can do and do. Cook, crack jokes, ML, play horseshoes, yougetthepicture. But it is nearly impossible for me to give the good stuff, the stuff that is hidden inside.

Can I just leave it at that for a while?

I suppose, but this is a better place when you're not leaving stuff alone. I happen to get a lot out of what you've shared. I'm pretty sure that I'd be reading all your posts with a fine tooth comb had Mr. Wonderful and I reconciled our M. You've got way too much good not to share.

Lou--I definitely think you try hard, and the fact that you've been here sharing and caring speaks volumes. I suspect that you and Mr. W. aren't too different, and if he were half the man you are, he'd be here asking for help. I've always appreciated your kind demeanor.

As far as flashlights go, I doubt that Blackie and I are the only ones shining them under rocks. If memory serves me correctly, he and I have both had our fair share of hiding too. When my thread locks up, I may crawl under a rock for awhile too... unless you guys discuss a subject that I really need to address.

Honey, I suspect that there's been times a spouse has desired to leave--even in the happiest of marriages. My parents (though they bicker--it seems to be some sort of mating ritual between them) are happy. Yet I can remember my dad going through a MLC and my mother telling him that she was taking us and moving us to MN. She meant every word of it, and we all knew it.

For the longest time, it was me who dangled that threat in front of Mr. W. When he told ME he was moving out, I was stunned. My sister asked me then if I was just mad that he did it before I could? It's been almost 4 years since the bomb was dropped and I still wonder if there's a bit of truth in my answer to her question? Fact is, it takes crises to work on things.

I can't imagine finding a notebook, but the fact that it gave you pause to wonder what you were putting out back at him leads me to believe that your paradigm shift was real and life altering.

I don't think I could ever enter a R with a man without approaching things differently? I mean, I've learned so much about myself, others and life in these last 4 years that I'm not the same person. I'm really happy that you and your H have been able to solve things in the context of your M. It truly is evidence of God's grace.

One more thing, and I do hope that you start a thread on this subject--maybe it will shine some light on a topic I've long felt should be addressed in this forum:

Now I see that his libido didn't waver, he just suppressed it with an *enormous* amount of willpower. Amazing.

Every time I read CeMar's laundry list of complaints about his W, I think that he's doing himself, her and their M a grave disservice by continuing to make his laments about her. I'd bet that the majority of people who post in this forum who complain about a LD spouse could learn from your enlightenment, Honey.

I have a very HD myself. Blackie himself has discussed his side of this coin as well. No libido could make me want to have sex with someone who resented me or felt that I was "less than". There were many times when I'd have sex with Mr. W. because we had both gone too long without any physical affection. But it would pain me when we weren't getting along and I couldn't feel that connection between us. I always felt that there was more to life than having sex with a guy who seemed to hate me much of the time.

I'm not saying your H felt that way about you. But I swear that your realization is definitely worth addressing here. Now that I'm flying solo at the moment, I'm finding myself rather LD too. I think that's nature's way of taking care of an availability problem. And you know something? I've discovered that there is plenty else to do now that it's not a concern right now. When someone comes along to change things, I'm sure my libido will kick back in, full gear. Until then, I'm just content to go about my business and see where life takes me.

I might have to join in Blackie's political reform plans if all else fails.

TTFN, and Corri, sorry for the major league hijack!

Betsey