Yeah, I guess I did leave the impression that I was back in LD land. I was certainly headed there, and the reason I was headed there was because I wasn't being authentic. As soon as I began to muster up the courage to do all that you just said... the LDness began to wane.
I'm thinking, at least for me, my LDness is a direct by-product of 'stuffing' emotions... which builds resentment. But I am the only one in control of that... I began to find my way through... but being as authentic and genuine and honest about Who I Am, and what I feel, as I can.
I don't know why it is so scarey... I've found that once I just hang it out there... it is never as bad as I feared. So I started doing it more, and a bit more... and I don't know that the initial fear of it all goes away... but my desire to be authentic, right now, is far out weighing my desire to avoid being uncomfortable.
And once I get through it... I feel the most amazing 'charge.' A surge. A 'oh my goodness, I am so proud of me!!' feeling.... I feel so good about myself... viola... LDness vanishes.
So... perhaps... my LDness... a form of control... is not such a bad thing... in a sense. It is a direct barometer of my fear. And it is MY fear only...
Ah, we'll get there, UD. Thank God for my Ex. I got to learn about the very worst parts of myself so I could fix them.
