A lot of focus in relationship problems seems to be on “intimacy” A search for it, avoidance of it, how to deepen it and how important it is to a relationship. While I will agree that it is important I think there has been too much focus on it for myself.
To me intimacy can be achieved just sitting quietly with a book while my wife watches TV it’s not a big deep eye gazing dive into each other’s souls but it is a sense of belonging.
We have been sold a fantasy that intimacy and communication will be a panacea for all that ails a relationship. Intimacy doesn’t always feel good and sometimes communication will do nothing more than point out opposite points of view.
I used to think that my wife and I had intimacy problems. My view has now changed, we have plenty of intimacy and always have. It is the desire for eroticism that I struggle with.
To me, there is a lack of intimacy if there are tabooo topics that cannot be discussed and chronic issues that are never resolved.
I don't equate intimacy with staring into another's eyes or eroticism, although those can be. Intimacy occurs when both partners have stepped outside of the various protective/defensive walls we have established WHILE trying not to act toward each other in ways that make the walls necessary.
you are absolutely right. Intimacy can be uncomfortable for some people. It can be downright terrifying for others. Schnarch addresses this in "Passionate Marriage".
Quote: sometimes communication will do nothing more than point out opposite points of view.
Right again. Talking doesn't always get the point acrossed.
Quote: all that ails a relationship
Do you have any ideas outside of increasing intimacy and more effective communication?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
