Quote: As Gel posted, non-sexual intimacy is something many people have to have in order to more fully participate in sexual intimacy.
Folks can also have lots of sex and never approach intimacy.
Does your wife orgasm? Do the two of you go on dates together where it's just the two of you? Do you spend anytime during the week where the focus is on each other?
MrsNOP -
My wife and I spend a lot of time together talking and doing things together. We have plenty of non-sexual intimacy. That's my whole point. We get along great and enjoy each other's company a lot. The point is, when we have a chance to have sexual intimacy, she avoids it. When we are sexually intimate she wants to get it over with as soon as possible, so no, she doesn't orgasm. She doesn't want any foreplay or afterplay, just get it over with. Believe me, I try every time to get her involved, she just doesn't want to. Sometimes I don't necessarily want sex, I just want to kiss her and caress her. Anytime we try to do that she seems uncomfortable. Even if I try to hold her hand or put my arm around her when we are in public, she seems uncomfortable, even though she says that what she wants me to do. Over the 15 or so year span of this behavior we've talked about it at various times, but it always ends up with her making me feel bad for wanting to have sex with her. After our discussion it will usually get better for a month or so, then start slipping back into the old pattern. I can say without reservation there has been only ONE TIME I can think of in the past 15 years where I felt like she wanted to be a participant. Basically it's all about excuses and deflection. I have heard just about every excuse in the book, and some especially creative ones that would be funny if it weren't so serious. I think her comment about non-sexual intimacy that night was just another attempt at deflection.
