Well this morning was interesting to say the least. I had a great nite with my H even though he did go out with the boys for a bit,,,,, @ 12:43 am he gets a call on his phone from one of his friends and my H is dead asleep.I was out of my mind for a bit and I honestly dunno why but I checked his VM,,, a girl had left a dumb message,, Hola como estas? ( Hi how are you?) I just called to day hi and call me when you get this,, yeah pretty interesting,,,

If you all remeber I had approached my H awhile ago ona subject I di dnt get to deep into with you all and it had to do with this friend talking to girls who are 18 and younger,,,I was proud of myself a few weeks ago for telling him where I stand on the subject and not being "afraid" of his reaction.

This morning he was being ultra sweet and now he left he is angry,,,,,, I told him I checked his VM and that I proceeded to call his friend and poltiley tell him I thought what transpired was not funny at all...
Then of course my H got angry,, Miraculously he did not verbal abuse me,,, he said he needed to leave.I told him I could not believe that he was going to ruin the whole day over this,,, he said you need to let me leave remember what we talked about before,,,,, ( when he used to get angry like this I would tell him to please saty and cry,, I di none of this I just stated that he did not have to waste the day I could leave actually,, he replied where do you have to go, and anyway in the past he used to ened up being physically abusive with me when he was angry and I asked him not to leave...) so I said fine you can leave in a calm tone and proceeded to go downstairs to make mY kids breakfast...(( I made them black beans,, eggs and potatoes and toast! )

I hope you can tell by my post I am not the least bit upset he is not here he is being stubborn and I know what I did was maybe wrong by checking Vm but I am only human,,,,and it was his friends number so I never expected to hear a girl on the VM....

CRAZY as this sounds he then comes into the kitchen ( remember he said he needed to leave cause he is angry at me and cannot be near me he does not want to hurt me?)

I am cooking away and cleaning and he proceeds to tell me that he is very angry with me (BTW in the past he would have first verbally abused me,, hit me then just left and come home very very late or not til next day) thank God he did none of this,,,

(Recently I went to see a local Physchic that we have here and actually I did not go to se her b/c of my R,,, remeber how I told you all I had to help my AUNT,, well I went to ask about her and her H actually and I was honest with my H about it,, I have known her for @ 10 years and she is so on she is scary,, she knew when I was 4 weeks pregnant with my daughter and even told me she would be a girl but not have the personality of one she would not be girly like me and scary part is she was right,, so anyway a little background on her cause My H believes every word she says too..

Any way he says to me when you went to see that lady didnt she TELL YOU YOU NEED TO CHANGE? I sed no actually she did not and you know I do not lie I am telling you the truth,, she even said like I told you that you are cheating still that your heart is mine and that your body you share and I even told you that as much as I respect her I told her I did not believe her that I thought she was referrring to when you occasionally get wasted and put things in your body you are not supposed( illegal substances) to at your friends house,,, YOu Know I can feel in my heart when you are cheating,,,,you yourself have told me when I call and you have done such a thing you sometimes choose not to answer cause you feel like you are betraying me...

he did not disagree,,
he went on to say he was very angry that I would disrespect him by answereing his phone and I repiled,,," you know what maybe what I did was not right but you always fail to see that I am human and you never allow or want me to have feelings,, you always do the right thing right and you are always rational you never do anything that is irrational like me but what you fail to recognize is that them calling you or you even conversing with them even if you are not a part of it is not right,,,, (he was trying to also explain that if he wante to hang out with his frined or was cheating on me he would not have come home I calmy replied I never insinuated you were cheating bt you even talking to them is wrong,, I sed let me explain it this simple ,, you always do the right thing and you are always rational ( he thinks he is these things So I was just trying to get my point home, I know and you all know he is not perfect but he does not))So let me give you this example the other day a few weeks ago when you called this particular friend and that girl answered I di not like that you were joking around with her < had it been his wife that is fine but we all know who she is and let me say that you in your always doing whats right and being so respected and how the kids know who you are and you are wanting them to know right from wrong and always be respectful, would you want them to come in the room and see you talking to her,, if she was in front of you physically,,, ( lets just say?) would you be proud that they saw you talking to her, would that make you feel proud?????? I sed this all very calmy .

FROM HIM ...

SILENCE...............

I really nad truly know that my H is a good man and that he thinks that as long as he is not doing wrong evrything is ok but for me that is not good enough..

I also explained as rational as you always are I know if I was dead asllep and some guy called my phone and left me a VM you would not be so rational ,, you would very wel do the same thing I did and the difference is I would not be angry cause you anger is justified,, I realize for you it is an invasion of privacy but you know what ( he mentioned he never looks thru my things) you can look thru my things any day you please and you will find nothing bad.. also you can take my ceel and you will never get a phone call from someone who is not my girlfriend ( I have no male friends BTW) or my family. I have no secrets from you...
AGAIN ..
SILENCE.
he also recieved a call at % am and asked if I answered that one too I said no I did not, he then asked well who is 7845 I said , How do I know it is your phone it is probably one of your frinds all you have to do is call and ask who called you ,,,,I have no reason to lie to you, I was completely honest with you and I knew you might not react so well, he said....

then who pushed the number 1 on my phone? I said you must have,, you just do not remember. Again if it was me I would tell you,, again just cal and ASK WHO IT IS IF YOU NEED TO KNOW.
SILENCE....

He went upstairs for a bit,, when he came back down before he left he told me yes it was one of his friends , it was xxxxx honey. ( why did he tell me when he says it is none of my bussiness who calls him? Chnaged his mind about the whole sitch,, I will not ever do that again but I think it happend for a reason fro him to knopw that I will no longer put up with half ass behavior, I will respect his privacy but he needs to respect me and not be around that type of garbage anymore, he even stated do you really think that I want to be with one of those 18 year old---- &*(^'S---- I said actually NO, I never said that to you or thought it but what they did even if it was just to be funny was not, do you get that?
Before he left he said to me I will be right back,, I said ok we will be here..

Sheesh , I think everything is fab and I want you all to pinch me and the I have to give him a dose of reality, talk to him like he is 4 years old,,, and I act like an idiot and call the VM why di dI do that anyway,, I dunno . I have not done that in a long time and it was his friends number I recognized the number,, I dunno something told me to do it,, Bad move...

I also talked to him yesterday @ "OW" again cause he knew his sister was going to see her and he wanted to send his Dad a gift and I had to fed ex it to the city where "OW" lives,, nice huh?

An dhe asked his Dad in the morning di dXXXX talk to her friend and yes it did bother me some so later he wants to get frisky and I guess I was sort of neutral to the whole idea and he said why cant you ever just be happy? I said I am happy it has nothing to do with you, well sort of it does,,
and he replied are yu upset cause I asked my dad that?

I replied it is not so much that I amtrying to make this bigger than it is but you are asking me to never have feelings @ this. @ 5 years ago when she came to see your sister I knew she had been your GF before you met me and you know what ,, I was polite to her and was even nice to her,,, I was fine but you now have slept with her went to stay at a Motel with her and lots of other stuff I do not even want to talk about that wh*re anymore she is a piece of garbage as far as I am concerned,,,

Again SILENCE..

and then HE went to Walmart to money gram his sister money!!!!!!!!!

something he would normally make me do,, so I feel like I am getting thru...

He does not say he is sorry but he seems to change the behavior some,, he hates to go to send money and he had to go to Walmart on a Saturday morning,,, he would rather cut off his arm than go to Walmart on a Saturday to send money to his sister ((( too busy ..too many people))),, so for him to go and not send me WAS HUGE.

Maybe he can see now that him thinking it is no big deal b/c he is here with me and no longer cares about her, so I should be ok with htis all like this friend of sisters is just her friend,, to me she is not just her friend to me she was a person who could not wait for my H to D me and then be a part of his life she was willing to take my H from his kids and that is what angers me the most,,, sure we can all heal and move on but to me my Family staying together is important and for her and my H not to have any moral integrity and just not give a sh*T is SICK...



At the same time her total lack of moral integrity and me being a lady is I also believe what saved me,,,,

Today is really the only the 2nd time since the bomb,, that I actually stood up for myself and got angry some and let him know I was angry too,,,,


That felt so good to let it out..... Thanks
God bless....