You are a doll,, no he does not frequently do this but there was a time when he did and it was endless misery for me. I used to get LIVID and I am Latina so yeah he would have to hear me whether he wanted to or not, it was not good we never got anywhere but headed toward the D word....
((((Here is a picture of me and my girls it is pretty silly but I thought I would share it http://www.xanga.com/alimari My 14 year old started this private Journal for me when I was seperated cause he knows how I love to write...He is a sweetie and he saw how much pain I was in and was trying to cheer me up.)))) So like I have said before when he said he wanted a D in May something in me snapped and I took a long hard look at myself and let go ... kept all the beautiful that I am and let go of all the ugly. It was actually quite liberating and it gave ME so much power. So even though he seems to hold the reigns I really do he just pretends he does.
We talked some when he called me to pick him up and I will talk to him again tommorrow when he is more sober ,,,, he apologized many times and he said he loved me so many times I lost count,, I gently reminded him I would like him to tell me he loves me more often as it is nice for me to hear and not just when he is "with spirits".
You are right on all three points he to sum it up does not know he needs to love himself first and let my love compliment his for himself,, one day hopefully he will learn this. I dunno when but thank God I have the patience of a Saint or I would not be here posting all the time, and if I had not worked so hard on my own issues and self esteem when he took me to h*ll awhile back I would not be so strong today.
When he does these things he actually makes me a stronger woman cause I know I love him but I do not need him to live,, he can walk along side me but I will no longer walk behind him and be afraid to step on his toes or be a strong independent woman. On this board I show you all how much I love him and How beautiful I can be but make no mistake I am not some scared little mouse. I approach every issue or anger I have with him in a very serene way and yes if he does not change it will be sad for me, but I will survive ..
Life is too short to not rejoice in it and enjoy all the beauty it has,, I am not going to waste anymore time being sad or trying to fix him,, I will love him all the days of my life but I am no longer holding my breath,, God has placed to much beauty on this earth for us all to enjoy,, I will be d*mned if I sit around waiting for him to satisfy my every need,,
I am strong enough and love myself enough to stand on my own two feet. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and him alone but I do not own him and he does not own me.... he can give me love and I will receive it with open arms but he also has the right to fall down and if he wants to I will be there to help him up and brush of his knees,, I will be here for him but again I will no longer be the doormat I have been.
and under--------------- NO ------------circumstances will I help him brush of his knees if he chooses to be with another again......cause he is my Michael Douglas but I will not allow myself to be hurt like this again.... And actually I saw a pic of catherine Zeta Jones today and she is relly thin now,, so I better lay off the Mexican food some and get back to eating healthy ,, I am a leaning towards Marilyn Monroe these days-- LMAO----
Oh yes and a ? for you I noticed what you do for a living and wow I am impressed.... have you heard of the Perrricone prescription,,, or Dr Sears The Zone?? Do you know much about eating healthy? Sheesh you are going to have to send me a bill for Marital Help and "diet"dvice now too? LOL. I do have a sweet tooth but for the most part I eat really healthy,, I thought with your background you would know what fuels a healthy body,, I am 35 and want to stay healthy as long as I can and of course stay looking young too.. Sheesh now I sound vain,, I really am not just want to be around along time to enjoy the granchildren my 5 children may one day bless me with... Thank you so much for your support you have helped me stay really grounded. I do so appreciate it. And last nite when I could not sleep I prayed for you extra.... God bless you sweetie.. and I cannot Thank You enough. God has really blessed me with you and others here who are so kind and generous.
And by the way not to bash my own race but I think only in my culture does a man think he can get away with staying out all nite...I am proud of my Heritage it has SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH beauty in it and good old fashioned values( (((I get compliments all the time on our children , One teacher even wanted my H and I to give classes on Parenting cause we are teaching our children to be so respectful and kind and well mannered,, she said alot of teachers in the scool are so impressed with what we have done with our children she almost made me cry....) )))and then it also has some parts that are mind boggling to others....even at times mind boggling to me??? God bless .....
