I am watching everything you do under my careful eye instead of just being,,,,, you reach out to me and then you push me away are you scared too?

I am a full grown Woman and sometimes I just wanna pull my knees into my chest and cry,
cry cause I love you,,,
cry cause you scare me,,,cause you love me
cry cause you scare me,,, cause you seem to hold my heart in your hand and yet I now it is mine,,,,

cry cause I have to let go and let God and it is easier said than done.
When you were lost it was easier to let go and now that you are back it seems I want to hold on so tight that I may suffocate you,,

I want to hold you tight but I do not ,,,

and then I think I do not hold you at all,

I need to hold you some and just enough and I do not seem to find the Happy middle place where I hold you and you feel good and I do too and noone is suffocating. I hold on too tight and sometimes you do too,, I want for this fear to go away.

I just want to be , I want to feel good here and be satisfied. I feel sometimes like I am stealing you and you do not want to be taken and other times I cannot fill you up enough,, this is so hard and somedays it would be so much easier to give up like you tried to but I cannot,, I cannot just throw my hands up and walk away.
Because whether I am near or far my love for you follows me around and it does not die,,,

I want to see myself in your eyes to love you without fear and when I get there I think that will be the greatest thing I have learned to do,, I am not there yet, I profess this beautiful love for you but at my best I know this..

I have this beautiful love all packaged up with THE MOST BEATUTIFUL EXOTIC PAPER AND BOWS YOU WILL EVER SEE BUT I KEEP IT LOCKED UP B/C MAYBE YOU DO NOT WANT IT.

And that is the sad truth WHETHER OR NOT YOU CHOOSE TO RECEIVE IT I NEED TO ALLOW MYSELF TO GIVE YOU THIS GIFT AND WHEN I DO THEN I CAN TRULY KNOW I GAVE YOU MY ABSOLUTE BEST EVERY PART OF ME WITHOUT FEAR BUT UNTIL THEN I KNOW I AM NOT GIVING YOU ALL OF ME.And that is what pushed you away before and I am doing it again and for that i am very sorry,, I am going to do my best to let go and leave my fear in the past and give you all of me all the warmth you need all the strength that I have within me,,,
I am scare dbut I am going to try.
I am going to let you see who I really am and I hope it pleases you and you enjoy it.

Leting go is going to be the hardest part,, what if I let go and you let me fall flat on my face and you laugh at me again?
I cannot answer that for you so my gift to you will be to let go and see where I go,, If I fall I will get back up,, will you hold this precious gift and love it or will you act like it is not important to you? I do not know but I need to work on me and let go,,, I must admit to myself that I am holding back too much and how can you feel me if I do not let you in?
Please help me GOd to let go and let him see me...

... really see and feel who I am,, I cannot hold back anymore, I have been holding back a big part of me for too long.
God bless...