GH thank you so much for your post.
I agree the verbal abuse needs to stop and That I hope we can conquer together,,,What I am most proud of right now is me letting go and detaching again some and just being me.When you all posted to me last week. And especialy I rmeber when you said I was being stifled,, it all hit home and I knew that I had to start working on me again.

My H explained his feelings to me and said I act too comfortable and then i do not show him how I love him or that I love him which for him the list is kind of long...

But I want for him to do certain things for me too so I will have to keep a mental note in my head that everyday I should remember the gift of our M and try to nuture it....

For me when he gets ugly I retreat and I do not say much I do not act like myself... Since he has been home he has had a few outburts and thank GOD none of them verbal,, I listen and I validate and then I will later expalin why I may have done something and he misunderstood me.....

Lately I have been pointing out when he is hard on me and he does something so simliar it hurts and he will listen to me and get quiet.....

For instance my brother and his GF were at a Halloween party with us and all she could do was argue with my brother.
My H and I were having a grat time and then.... he says do you want to go soon honey? Maybe we can go out? I replied sure it sounds like a great idea!! Then he says "should I invite your brother?"
I answer "sure go ahead. ( I really did not want them to come along , I can only listen to her argue for so long..)

WE walk to our vehicle and then my brother comes up and says " WEll xxx wants to stop home for a bit (( all 3 of them except me had been drinking more than me , I had a glass of wine in 2 hours..) but I do not want her to drive.."

So I say well if you would like I will drive her and we will meet up with you two later.

( Mind you I am only trying to be nice b/c she has never really been nice to me, but I do have a heart..what is wrong with me, being nice sometimes feels like a curse!!LOL)

My brother decides to leave with her and they will meet us later,, my H decides we are no longer going out b/c I ruined it by getting involved and why did I not keep my Mouth shut?
I listened and listened some more and then when he was all done I pointed out that he was just trting to be nice by inviting them and that I would have rather gone out alone that he and I have plenty of fun alone.. HE AGREED!

I also stated that I was not angry at him for inviting them b/c he was trying to be nice and he sed wel I thought change of atmosphere and she would be tolerable,, I explained you know that whenever we go otu with them even in public places she always gets ugly,, so even though you chose to invite them I hope you see if I was upset by it I could have told you but I do not take things to the extreme the way you do.

It would have been ok for you to tell me next time stay out of it cause that is ok but for you to get so upset and then we did not go out is a little much,,,
I have opinions and you have opnions and we can express them and lately you get so upset over things like this,, now we did not get to go out some more.

Anyway we proceeded to watch a movie when we got home..
And he was ok.

In the past I would have not said a word or worse I would have argued with him,,, Instead I stayed calm listened , validated and explained how I felt as well.
I am really proud of myself,, even yesterday he was being somewhat judgemental and I diffused him with kindness.

I am going to keep working on me and keep loving him,, but I do need to differentiate more and re- read DR and Passionate Marrriage again.

I need to stay strong even if he is not and not let him dictate my moods and this is difficult for me ,but I will keep trying until it becomes a habit... He is so much more than he used to be,,, I am looking forward to my growth and his as well...

Forgot to mention things I have done just for me in the past week:
Went and got my Nails done and a Pedicure too,, that was a treat.

Also got a full body wax, that was interesting

layed on my bed in the middle of the afternoon to soak up the sun just like a CAT..

Went to my favorite thrift store and got some vintage jewelry just for me, spent a whole whopping 16.00 dollars on two necklaces....

and the best part is I did not feel one not one ounce of guilt... I am worth it and it is about time I show it..
rented CITY OF ANGELS just for me..

Sheesh I sure sound spoiled right about now,, , but you know what I deserve to do this for myself and this week I surely focused on doing things for me and I also spoil my H every chance I get, so why in Gods name am I trying to justify spoiling myself?

the lady who waxed me found out a little about what I recently went thru and how I stayed so serene with him so she asked me to pray for her cause she said well geez you are practically a saint,, I do not know of many women like you..
So I have prayed for her alot since I met her last week.
She was so nice to me and it felt good to have someone tell me I am a good person.



God bless..