MY H IS HOME AND HE IS WELL BUT HE IS STILL EDGY, NO VERBAL ABUSE BUT HE IS NOT BEING THE WAY HE WAS BEFORE HE LEFT,, HE IS UNDER ALOT OF STRESS AND SEEMS TO THINK I AM HIS SCAPEGOAT.. I let him know this has to STOP,,,
Also he was mentioning his sister and "OW" ( SIL went to visit and get a car part for his dads car that used to be mine) and he kept saying they will go and pick it up like nothing,, Did not want to argue but felt Hurt and wanted to set boundaries. So I calmy explained you know I know she is with "OW" and it is offensive and hurtful that you keep saying they like no big deal. It hurts my feelings and maybe that is not your intention but that is what you are doing by saying "they" to me... he immediately stopped and I felt a little better that he listend but he still was arrogant enoough to talk about her like he did not sleep with her and still have her name tattoed on his chest,
I dunno how much longer I can look at the D*MN Tattoo, I am ready to choke him and say get out..
NO I would not do that after everything I have worked so hard for but he is pushing my buttons so well and I feel like if we get thru this I will be looking at her name until I am 50 and that is a lone time away for me,, I want to enjoy him and he is making it difficult to do so.
he is under stress and taking it all out on nme and that is NO GOOD!!! I have not gotten one Thank you or compliment from him and that is ok I know I am valuable,, But I feel like saying if I am so terrible please find your way to the door and go find your Happiness which does not seem to be me and when you MISS me like last time and the time before that please do not come back until you are ready to be in this with respect and integrity.. I will keep working on this but I am scared he will not stop and I dunno if I can accept this Jeckyl Hyde stuff much longer,,, I know that this is work but he is looking for reasons to argue and I refuse to argue back... I will continue to work on me and let him own his anger,,that is one gift he can keep. I will support him and be a Great Wife but he needs to change some,, dunno if he wants to.
He tried to make me feel better today by saying he is like this with everyone when he is stressed and he is very impatient and I told him well you need to stop and if you do not you will give yourself a heart attack, not trying to be mean but I will not walk on eggshells any more. I will not be mean like he has been but I will use my Voice b/c I am commited to this and one day he may see the error of his ways..
I watched CLICK the movie with him and just cried,,,,, He is Adam Sandler in the movie and he loves me that way too( like he did in the Movie), I know he does ,,, but he is lost and I dunno if he will find his way and when he does I am afraid , very, very, afraid for our Family it will be too late....
Right now instead of growing he wants to blame me for everything even the Weather ( practically) and so he can keep fooling himself, I will stay strong and he can walk with me but not in front of me like he is superior,, I hope to update soon that is back to being who I know he is and that things are improving,, but right now I see that he is standing still while I am ready to keep growing and make this M blossom. Funny thing is he feels the same way about me he has told me this,,,that I CAN change but I do not want to.That I get toooooooo comfortable with him and this is why we separated in the first place. I am very , very confused. I hope tommorrow is a better day and I can keep growing and be me... God bless...
