If he really wanted to see her he would've find a way, he doesn't so stop it Alimari, if my H wanted to he could go and see xow, but he hasnt' and I won't live in fear of that. Choose to believe the best)))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You are so cute... and you are absolutely right. I am better this morning,,, he called @ 7 a.m. and told me all about his day.. and he also asked me to change his flight to early next week instead of Sunday,,I nicely agreed.. He will be home on Wednesday....he was so happy and told me he REALLY REALLY APPRECIATES me doing that I just said you are very welcome! I made it thru to today,, never mentioned I was feeling very insecure,, thanks SOOOOO MUUUUUUUCH you all for being there for me. God bless...
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Sometimes the light of day helps improve things and sometimes I think we just need to work through stuff. I'm struggling right now. Bombarded with OW stuff.
A friend sent me this in an email and I'm just trying to repeat it all day:
personally i think some things are best left in the past. move into the future that God has given your family.
I'm also looking at the note my husband left me today that includes the word "love," at the end even through I've been bratty these last two days with dark clouds of OW above my head.
Somehow just need to hang tough and work on thinking clearly (although I probably need a good kick in the butt!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
(((Ali))) - Glad you are feeling better, and have had several positive interactions with your H these last few days. It seems like he is keeping in good communication with you, which is also a good thing. Hope you can take care of yourself and relax a little this weekend. L
Well things have gone from me being insecure to me feeling like I am ready to let him go....
I love him very much but I dunno if I have it in me to be strong anymore...
he has ben dry with me for a few days now and he is still in Mexico w/ my D9 and his Family.
Last nite he got angry (( again)) regarding work isssue , accused me of lying which i did not do, sed he felt like I though I was too comfortable with him once agaain, that I have never cared @ him and he does not care @ this "R" ....
When he sed I was tooooooo comfortable I replied.." I AM NOT TOO COMFORTABLE." probably in a loud voice but not yellling,, he proceeded to say he will not be spoken to that way,, that I know he does not like to be spoken to like that and hung up on me,,
I called him back and said I was not yelling at you ,, he told me to go get "HELP" if I thought I had not raised my voice and he would let me go cause he did not want to discuss this.he added this is not @ other girls I am here at my parents house this is about me feeling alone and I do not like it...
I called him again 15 minutes later after I had decided to confront my fear but let him know my feelings..
he did not answer and then called me back right away..
I said hello and he nicely (??? like he had not just broken my heart) said "whats up?" I sed well I dunno what to say or where to start but I am sorry you feel this way and he interupts me and says" IS THIS ALL YOU CALLED FOR?' i reply " wel you just sed something rather significant and so yes this is what I am calling you @.." I love you very much I started to sat and he interupted me again and said " WELL YOU NEVER ACT LIKE IT AND YOU DO NOT SHOW IT,, SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME DO NOT TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"
wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf? I AM LOST AS TO WHAT HE IS TRYING TO SAY , I FEEL TIRED AND I DUNNO IF I HAVE THE FIGHT IN ME ANYMORE,, I HONESTLY LOVE HIM W/ ALL MY HEART AND SOUL BUT FEEL SO READY TO GIVE HIM WAHT HE SEEMS TO WANT HIS FREEDOM...
I then cannot sleep so I stupidly call him again and the phone call seems to not go thru and so I hang up my cell phone... he once again immediately calls back..... asks did you caLL ME and I say yes I did but it did not ring...he says again "WSO WHAT UP?' like everything is just dandy.
And I reply well i dunno what to say it is just that you are feeling this way again and I dunno what to do to help you.. and he replies why dont we talk @ this in the morning and I stupidly reply" I do not want to talk @ this anymore, I will show you that I care like you have asked me and he interupts me again and says call me in the morning Ok...
I am lost I want to be with him but I am honestly feeling no strength and once again I feel like a FOOL in love....
For many people, apprehension manifests itself in the physical self as a potent feeling of heaviness or nausea situated in the depths of the lower abdomen. And it is there, at the seat of the second or sacral chakra, that we must lovingly and deliberately confront the anxiety. By rooting down into the deepest physical reaches of ourselves, we can cleanse ourselves of unease and replenish the space it has left behind with tranquil awareness. Much of what we encounter in our daily lives has the potential to awaken feelings of nervousness within us or make us question whether we are truly in control of our lives. When you establish a den of peace within your core, you empower yourself to act rather than react in distressing situations. Your balanced second chakra helps you respond productively to the turmoil around you while your inwardly directed attention steadies you.
There are many ways to restore your strength and clear negative energy from your core. To ground yourself and regain your emotional equilibrium, concentrate on the second chakra, picturing it as a funnel of vivid orange light. Reach down toward that light with your awareness and channel your breath into the space it occupies. As you balance the chakra, you will become more adaptive and thus better able to stand strong when faced with rapidly changing conditions. You can channel healing energy into your core by visualizing the area below your belly button as an open space into which you channel white, loving light. Like light and air, sound can be a wonderful tool that helps you find your center. Your voice, when drawn from your core in the form of a deep roar or loud shout, can be the vehicle upon which your anxiety is conveyed into the ether. Take a low stance, much like a football player, root your feet into the earth, and then roar like a lion. Really feel it in your bell! y. It may sound silly, but chances are you will feel much less anxious and much more grounded into your body.
A situation that seems hopeless when viewed from a perspective colored by fear may become easily manageable when approached with a serene heart and mind. As you root down into your core, you'll discover that the trepidation and helplessness you feel within you is not invincible. Rather, it will respond readily to your efforts to eradicate it, leaving you feeling peaceful and capable of calmly handling any challenging circumstances that arise. ----------------------------------------------------------
this was in my email box sent to me a few days ago... The naseau I feel TODAY I guess IS aprehension.. wow I dunno what to do.?? GOD BLESS...
Alimari, you have let your H drive you to the edge, maybe over the edge. Why do you let him? Why do you accept his phone calls? Why do you continue to call him? I understand you have to have contact to run the business, do that much but no more. It is very hard to break that contact but when he talks bad, you feel bad. Quit the phone calls. It is ripping you up.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT HE HAS DRIVEN ME OVER THE EDGE I did not call him last nite @ work he called me cause his boss was trying to get a hold of him,, I told him when he left I could handle things,, anyway I acept his calls b/c in the past he sed I was unavailable to him, also I am calling him and I guess I should stop b/c he complained that while he is gone I do not call him,,, ( I forgot to post this) I explained ( this morning when he called )that I have left many messages on his cell everyday when I think of you or I miss you but I have explained this to you before when you have gone to Mexico to see your parents I have you everyday they do not soooo that is why I do not call you constantly when you are over there it is not b/c I do not care it is b/c I care that I want you to have more time with your parents....
I dunno I am so frustrated right now... he sed he would call later and I will post more later, I hope he figures this out...
I explained that I am scared and had actually felt like this for a few days before he sed those words to me but I set it aside cause I thought I should and was just being insecure...he had to let me go to do something and asked if he could call me back.
I am damned if I do damned if I dont,, the other day when I called cause I knew he would want me too ((( and of course I miss him too))he blew up but then if do not call he gets angry too,,,,,
I appreciate your input and I am trying so hard I just feel lost....
