Well things have gone from me being insecure to me feeling like I am ready to let him go....
I love him very much but I dunno if I have it in me to be strong anymore...
he has ben dry with me for a few days now and he is still in Mexico w/ my D9 and his Family.
Last nite he got angry (( again)) regarding work isssue , accused me of lying which i did not do, sed he felt like I though I was too comfortable with him once agaain, that I have never cared @ him and he does not care @ this "R" ....
When he sed I was tooooooo comfortable I replied.." I AM NOT TOO COMFORTABLE." probably in a loud voice but not yellling,, he proceeded to say he will not be spoken to that way,, that I know he does not like to be spoken to like that and hung up on me,,
I called him back and said I was not yelling at you ,, he told me to go get "HELP" if I thought I had not raised my voice and he would let me go cause he did not want to discuss this.he added this is not @ other girls I am here at my parents house this is about me feeling alone and I do not like it...
I called him again 15 minutes later after I had decided to confront my fear but let him know my feelings..
he did not answer and then called me back right away..
I said hello and he nicely (??? like he had not just broken my heart) said "whats up?" I sed well I dunno what to say or where to start but I am sorry you feel this way and he interupts me and says" IS THIS ALL YOU CALLED FOR?' i reply " wel you just sed something rather significant and so yes this is what I am calling you @.." I love you very much I started to sat and he interupted me again and said " WELL YOU NEVER ACT LIKE IT AND YOU DO NOT SHOW IT,, SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME DO NOT TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"
wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf? I AM LOST AS TO WHAT HE IS TRYING TO SAY , I FEEL TIRED AND I DUNNO IF I HAVE THE FIGHT IN ME ANYMORE,, I HONESTLY LOVE HIM W/ ALL MY HEART AND SOUL BUT FEEL SO READY TO GIVE HIM WAHT HE SEEMS TO WANT HIS FREEDOM...
I then cannot sleep so I stupidly call him again and the phone call seems to not go thru and so I hang up my cell phone... he once again immediately calls back..... asks did you caLL ME and I say yes I did but it did not ring...he says again "WSO WHAT UP?' like everything is just dandy.
And I reply well i dunno what to say it is just that you are feeling this way again and I dunno what to do to help you.. and he replies why dont we talk @ this in the morning and I stupidly reply" I do not want to talk @ this anymore, I will show you that I care like you have asked me and he interupts me again and says call me in the morning Ok...
I am lost I want to be with him but I am honestly feeling no strength and once again I feel like a FOOL in love....
