I AM DOING EVRYTHING ON MY END,, REMAINING CALM WHEN HE BLOWS UP,, AND SOMETIMES I THINK IT IS ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS ME TO ARGUE BACK,, B/C I USED TO . wHEN HE WOULD GET LIKE THIS I used to call him on it get upset cry and scream that he needed to stop.
When we got seperated something in me snapped and I was a puddle of sadness and then when I got back up I was different .
I am very, very calm Now. I HAVE AN INNER PEACE EVEN HIS OUTBURTS CAN NOT TAKE FROM ME, I know I will be alright,, that I am whole , that I am valuable, that I am me and I deserve to be loved the way I love. That is probably why the other day he said".. do not talk calmy to me .."
"we" no you are a B*TCH,, so stop trying to pretend. Not that what he said is ok ( CAUSE W/O A DOUBT IT IS WRONG)but I really think he is trying to pull me back into old patterns,, I will not follow him on this path any more,, I have told him this repeatedly.
"I am calm and I do not want to argue so you can rant and rave all you want you are not going to pull me in,,"
.... he will even occasionally say to me.." I am sorry I am getting angry "and I will reply" you do not have to apologize for getting frustated I do not take it personal anymore. " " I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.."
But when he gets home I would like to clarify with him,,there is a huge difference between getting frustated and being verbally abusive.
..... when he gets back from MEXICO, I will take him to see our DR. again and try and convince him to see "C" like he was told to ...by her...
I know he loves me but he needs to let go of this behavior not only for my sanity but for his own as well,,, he has always been somewhat like this but now with the anxiety it is worse and he seems to think I am partly to blame he doesn't realize he controls his moods and b/c he loves me and then is emotionally connected to me when he gets upset with me he gets emotional and gets too angry...
I know he can overcome this he just has to want to.
Thank you for your support and prayers it means the world to me.
