I could be wrong here, but he sounds like someone who might need medication to calm down. -----------------------------------------------------------
.....he does have "Xanex" type meds that were prescribed to calm him down,, he is super tense.... I hope he is relaxed when he comes home. But this is something that he will have to work on. Because I am strong but it affects me in the way that sure I can let it go but then I pull back and I am not the vibrant loving person I normally would be.
And I do not like holding back because now that I feel how good it feels to be free,, like the title of my thread it has freed me to be me and enjoy my life,, it feels like I am really living now... I LOVE MY h IN A WAY I HAVE NOT LOVED HIM IN A LONG TIME.. HE IS THE MAN I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH ,, I DO NOT NEED him TO SURVVIVE but he is the Man I choose to be by my side and walk with me.. so I hope we can get thru this. like I have said all during this, I read somehwere.." love him the most when he deserves it the least.." he called today and told me what he and D9 did today and I was happy for him,, I left him a VM this morning and told him to stop worrying about work that I have it covered and there was no reason for him to blow up like that,, I said I understand your frustration, but the idea of you to go see your DAD was for you to relax and enjoy so do that and have a great day.. When he called this afternoon he was somewhat dry and it made me uncomfortable but I was ok and I am ok...he did not mention the VM...
he never does,, he will not bring up what he did and he rarely apologizes.
So to me it was a Miracle even before we reconciled that he would apologize for hurting me ( the OW) and I did not even ask for him to, I told him that day when he left he could go and be happy with her and I wished him a good life. I still remember the shock that after I found out and pushed him away he called me three times that day and called me that nite to tell me he was sorry....
Wow this has been a journey and the ugly is over but now I want this to be better than ever so I hope to keep strong and I pray that he will stop this and realize it is not good to talk to me that way,, I dunno if he ever will though...
He vascilates between being so beautiful most of the time and being an ogre once in awhile....
I love him and will do my best to hold onto myself and pray that he grows....
