We will see how today turns out I have no hope it will be any different than the past few days full of his moods,,,, but thankfully I will not be taking the ride with him . Yesterday I was proud of myself for staying calm while he was an A$$.
a FRIEND OF MINE WAS OVER WHEN HE WENT ON THE TYRADE AND FIRST HE ASKED IF SHE WAS IN THE ROOM,, I SAID NO AND THEN HE REALLY STARTED IN ON THE VERBAL ABUSE....

How nice he doesn't wnat her to know that he is not the beautiful human being he was being for two months he is slowly but surely turning into his old self,,,,,,,,

for me it is sad,, cause I have the strengthh to withstand it but he then blames me for his anger and may be a WAH again.... This scares me.. but I will not let it control me.

The really sad part like I told my friend who was over last nite is.... If (GOD forbid) I were to suddenly be taken from this Earth,,, he would be the one who cried the most and he would be so lost without me,,,, he himself has told me this...

So I do not understand him....


I will post more later.
I need to kep track of my days so I can keep myself sane and at peace that I am ok and he is moody,, like I said before he actualy sometimes makes me think I am the one who IS to blame..
WRONG,,, but I will continue to pray for him,, he needs it now more than ever again,, and he needs to take the meds he was prescibed,, he stopped cause of headaches,, and the sad part is he doesn't stop drinking cause he gets a headache the next day..

Pray , pray and pray some more Ali that is all you can do for now...,

I guess the Honeymoon is over and it is time to get back to the basics,, I would do anything for our :"M like I have done to restore it ,, I dunno if he knows what a gift it is,,, so we will see what happens,,,


This is scaring me but I need to regroup,,,, how can he love me soooooooooo much and yet be so cruel?


he puts alot of peoples lives at stake cause he can not control his temper.....last nite he actually tried blaming me cause his whole Family down In Mexico left the room while he was losing his temper with me....

Like it was my fault...

Money and work are not good issues with him,, I need to rethink that subject and talk to him about it when he gets home, I can not listen to him calling me a B*tch and even saying that he knows that I know I am one,,,,,

if you even read half of my posts when he was seperated from me,, and all he pt me thru (((even though he came here often and just walked in like he owned the place,,,)))

I was never rude once!!!!!!

....and he is fooling himself.
but that is ok like I told my friend yesterday,, I told her you know at least I can look at myself in the Mirror and know I did my best and I did not go out and get "OM" just to pacify my pain like he did with the "OW",,,


WOW this is hard and tell you what wiht all my effort I do not believe it is supposed to be this hard,, and how can he say he loves me one minute( and he does not say it everyday mind you) and the next be so ANGRY>>?
God bless.,