Quote: The thing you need to be cautious about is being codependent. Oftentimes people married to spouses who are alcoholic or abusive have codependency issues.
Yep. Count me in on this one. I have no idea if my W falls under the category of an addict (she has SOME drinking issues, dunno how deep they run, along with anxiety/depression) but I an attest to the codependency angle. It's like I am addicted to her needing me and when she doesn't, I can't function. It's one of the hardest things I have had to face in all this. I have come to realize that I am about as codependent as they come and I have tried VERY hard to stop being that way.
Ali, it's true, sometimes I think we get so used to this kind of behavior from our S's that we fear the behavior being gone more than we fear the behavior itself. Scary to think that you may actually ENJOY his verbal abuse but I think it's possible much the same as I think many of us learn to derive comfort from our pain after awhile.
Break the cycle. You don't have to be mean, loud or match his pitch. You just have to learn that it's likely that every room you're in with him has a door or two or four and if you just learn to use them when he gets "that way" then you can MAYBE get across the message that you are not HIS to do with what he pleases, at least in terms of conversation.
