First of all - if you are not calm, try to calm down a bit. Relax, breath slowly - repeat.
Now, I have felt this all along, at least to me it seems your H is experiencing some form of MLC. His mood swings and strange behavior from one call to the next is outright crazy and you have every right to be frustrated with him. This may be part of the MLC monster.
You have done a lot - including working on filling up your Hs love tank on a regular basis. It appears that before he left, he was working on returning the favor - all good things. But like many men, certain outside factors can affect our moods. As a man who doesn't like not knowing where the heck I am going, I can see why someone would be frustrated if they felt lost on the road. But to the extent that you describe it - it really doesn't make sense.
If I am to understand this right - are you navigating him from the phone? Why doesn't he have is own map and have plotted his own course before he left? I mean, I would be horribly frustrated if I was trying to find my way while someone navigated me over the phone. HOWEVER, the only person I can/should get frustrated with is myself! It is my responsibility to know where the heck I am going - and your H should take responsibility for this. Again, maybe I read this wrong.
Quite simply put - you are a person and you have value. You can calmly tell your H that "I am on your side. I am trying to help you not hurt you right now. But I am not going to stay on the phone if you continue to yell at me or get frustrated with me. I am trying to help. I understand your frustration and would be frustrated too. But if we work together, perhaps we can figure this out."
Just a thought.
Hang in there. Remember ownership of this problem your H is having falls on your H - not you. I know it sucks when he takes it out on you, so draw a line on this and very lovingly tell your H where it is so he doesn't cross it.
I have used this on my D10 before when she starts getting all frustrated with me. I just tell her that I am on her side. I am on her team. We are working together. Let's do this together, not by bickering or getting angry. It really diffuses her and if it doesn't, I simply remove myself from the situation until she can calm down.
This all, of course, is my 2 cents. I would encourage your H to take his meds - this may be half of his problem.
((((((((Ali)))))))))
I'll check back in later. I'll be around if you need some support!
