if only it were that simple and you know ,, sure i have expectations but trust me they are not that high and at the same time I feel I deserve to be treated with respect,,,
when he called just minutes ago he again was extremely rude and when I just sit and listen he gets even more rude no matter what I say or how quiet I am he escalates,, so thank you dear for your advice but my thick shell is begining to wear... when I did not answer him before cause I was about to cry he said ..."if you do not answer me again I will never ever talk to you again as long as I live".... " I SWEAR IT.."
That is downright cruel....
but like always say at least I have God,,, you KNOW what is worse then when he says he loves me my heart wants to feel it but that is why I used to live with so much fear he hurts me and I am just supposed to keep plugging....
he knows I love him,,, so I can understand frustration but somedays it just feels cold hearted and then when he is so beautiful...
God I dunno what to say.
I am just so hurt right now I can not stop crying and then before he told me I wasnt talking and got angry and then when I spoke he said..... all I hear is blah , blah , blah. What does he want from me that I do not already do?
Please God help me,,, please help me,, I am so sad .....
thank you runningoutoftime for your suport,,,, and I hope you are right and he is just frustrated but sometimes he makes me wonder why I tried so hard to fight for this Marriage when he can be soooo cold.....
I hold on because I love him and b/c of our children and b/c he loves me and then when he is like this I get scared that he will always have the power to dig deep in me ,,,
clear to my bones and break me down,, as calm as I try to stay and not let his hurtful words hurt me ,,, I feels a terrible sadness right now...
He is the one going on a trip and getting to take a break and going where he first started all this madness with "OW"...and I am calm and have not said a word about it and he is fit to be tied and being viscious.....
I am going to go to bed and pray some more.... that is how I fell asleep before and then he woke me up to yell at me.... I wonder what happened to the man I was just snuggling with last nite , where did he go? Sorry for rambling but the tears and hurt will not stop. God bless....
