I just posted a question to you in your Infedilty thread about how to get the "OW" out of my mind and I come back to this forum and I read your beautiful post... you made me cry... Thank you so much for your very kind words.....
I will honestly read this daily while he is gone,, he will be gone for a week. Thank you GH you are an Angel. God bless you.....
I never had a doubt that you'd be back together with him.
You know it is wonderful people like you all here that have made my journey a better one and made me stronger.... Thank you so much honey. Lizemba.... I REALLY appreciate your support. I could not have made it this far without you all...
... my Family told me to close the DOOR on him and never look back .... ....had I listened I would have lost the Man I adore and most important of all to me My children would have surely lost their DAD,,, ( he said he would be a part of their lives but he would most likely be living again in Mexico,when we were seperated). So now he can enjoy them and they can enjoy him and I will work daily on My Marriage so that we can one day celebrate our 50th and have loads of good memories when that time comes... I commit to daily being loving ,caring,nuturing and kind .Working towards a beautiful Marriage and Family... God bless...
BTW, Ali, I think I need to read up on your sitch because even though I don't share the cheating part with your H, I do have anger issues like your H and really fight (bad word to use I guess) to quell my feelings of frustration and anger. This has been going on basically since the kids were born and I can assure you, probably like your H, I HATE myself when I act angry toward my wife or kids but something in me, especially when I am tired or frustrated at something else in life just snaps and I lash out. I'm never physical with anyone but my "verbal abuse" as you call it is not good.
Hopefully I can learn from you and your sitch as well as from what I read and my C.
What you described about yourself fits my husband to perfection,,,, he lashes out especially when stressed..
I have learned not to take it personal and even when sometimes now after reconciliation he has done it,, I try to let it go but this last one was a bad one and I started crying....especially b/c now he hardly does it.
I am so very glad to meet you and see that we will have much to learn from one another.... Thank you for being so honest.... Talk to you soon. God bless...
I have been reading thru Gh's thread and read how ohters posted not to focus on the negative and focus on the postive,, I know In the beggining I did this and I need to get back to that !!!!!
....and yesterday him feeding me in my mouth and telling me he loved me and all the hugstoo, so--------->>>> ... I am going to just fear fear of the unknown and fear that my Heart is wrong...
...and why focus on that when everything is so awesome and I would have given anything to have a day like this when we were seperated AND EVEN BEFORE THE BOMB.....
He used to work away from home soooooooooooooo much for months at a time that this is like Heaven on earth...
That is why I let the small things slide and let him slip up and even though now we have had a talk just yesterday .
I will/need to ( for my peace of mind and sanity) refocus on how AMAZING this is and that he is here with me every nite and he loves me,, what more could a girl want? Trying to humor myself....
He will not be getting his Tattoo anymore this week, the guy who does it will be out of town tomorrow and not back til friday and so my H leaves on Thursday... Just great!! but he already put deposit so he can go when he comes home. )
Now I have to admit that this hurt my ego b/c his sister will most likely see his Tatto and she is friends with the "OW" and so "OW" will know he still has it and get an EGO trip... yes I am a little hurt right now but I shall try to keep positive and focus on all the good he has done for me.. just wish he would have covered the D*mn thing befroe going but I can not get everything I want I guess.....
I will be posting my feelings alot more these next few days ... and praying ALOT MORE too.. God bless....
I love you very much and I will pray for you when you are not by my side so that God may bless you with strength,integrity and a sense of worth. For you to choose to remember what I mean to you, for you to do unto me as I would do unto you. for you to remember the Enormous love I feel for you and keep it with you in your heart. I hope you have a good time and I hope you will remember that I am real and have feelings and that I love you deply and only want what is best for you and our children.. you mean so much to me.. be the man I know you are... I know you love me deeply but I am human and I feel scared and hurt,,, I will trust you and pray for you as I can not control what you do,, but I hope in your heart you choose to do what is good and love me even when I am not present...
I will not mention the fear I have I will let him see the strong me and the loving me and that I trust him to do what is right.. he himself told me when we were seperated that he chose to come back time and again when he saw that I had Faith in him and I BELIEVED in him......
God please help me find the strength to show him I believe in him genuinely so that he takes that with him.... God bless...
Anything worth doing will always have some fear attached to it. For example, having a baby, getting married, changing careers-all of these life changes can bring up deep fears. It helps to remember that this type of fear is good. It is your way of questioning whether you really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.
Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.
You might wish to converse with your fear, plumbing its depths for a greater understanding of the change you are making. You could do this by sitting quietly in meditation and listening or by journaling. Writing down whatever comes up-your worries, your sadness, your excitement, your hopes-is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear and to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life.
http://www.dailyom.com/ This was in my e-mail box today and i just read it and thought I would share it .... scary how this is really what I needed to read.. I hope it helps others too... God bless...
Quote: This is great, but it would be good if you didn't have to "make" him apologize. A true apology should come from within him, when he's ready to give it. If he only apologizes when you make him do it, how do you know he's really sorry?
I totally agree with this, but... on the other hand. Some people do have a hard time apologizing. For example, my husband has a really hard time saying those words and it's not a good trait. It's almost like he needs to practice it more (and empathy).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think sometimes we need to see our spouses as flawed people that can't always meet expectations and all our needs. The world is a big place, we have to allow them to fly in it and hope that like homing pigeons they eventually find their way back.
You can be okay and work through anything no matter where life leads. Just be happy in yourself and for the time on this planet.
Also, it's your happiness and strength that has the best chance of helping your "bird" find his way home.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thank you so much,,, I agree with you and yes my H too has a (very) hard time with I am sorry.
That is why for me it is awesome even if I had to ask him to say it and he did,, but I did agree with Liz cause sure it would be spectacular had he come home and said he is sorry,, he is generally not like that unless he royally F*cked up or he feels he can say it and I wont take him into a one hour discussion..... after he apologizes( I used to do this ,, not exactly an hour but you know what I mean )
The day after I found out about the "OW" he on his own apologized I did not ask him to or even expect him to,, he said he also said he never meant to hurt me. (((that is partly why he lied to me about it in the first place...))) so for him that was a huuuuuuuuuuge 180 for him.
he also apologizes if he is busy and has to cut me off on his cell at work,,, he NEVER used to do that he just used to get angry and yell and then let me go,, now he will politely say can I call you back and then he does call me back and he says honey I am sorry I was busy..
So I am making progress and so is he and I know my little bird will come home but will the evil "OW" leave him alone?
but he already put deposit so he can go when he comes home. )
)