Thank you soooooo much for that I was feeling down and you made me smile..... I do so appreciate when anyone posts on my thread it makes my day.
Earlier I tried to post before you left that nice message b/c my H blew up at me and made me cry. He has not done that in a loooong time. But then I had to be a MOM so I had to wait until now.. you never know when kind words will make someone smile...
He really hurt my feelings and belittled me.. something he used to do daily. Like I have said before though I know this is more of an Anger Management issue than a Reconciliation Issue. And I have been strong with his more recent outbursts and I have not been crying but today was toooooo much.
He really hurt my feelings and I dunno it will take me days to let this one go( but I wil not let him know he got to me.. his theory is that only when he yells do I understand his point)... I never once lost my cool and let him know he was overreacting.... he is stressed from work and feels like it is ok to take it out on me..... and then insult me.
I will not allow him to take away what I have worked so hard for. I have worked really hard on my self esteem so even though he hurt my feelings he can rant and rave all he wants... because I love him but do not need him to validate me anymore. The old me would have still been crying and upset and felt like sh*t. Not anymore yes I am hurt and yes he was out of line but he will be the one trying to make it up to me for the next few days and I will not say a D*mn thing he will just know that what he did was uncalled for. Just a few days ago he had a similair outburst and I said to him " you can get angry all you want....."
He can blow up like a volcano and even hope I get in on it and BLOW up too. No such luck, I refuse to act like a child and I refuse to give up the peace it took me soooo long to find.
He left after his outburst and has gone " drinking: with friends. ( to punish me ....) the old me would have cried and asked why he had to leave and when are you coming home etc. etc and probably had a Panic attack. For years I used to have those mostly induced by how I let him make me feel. NO such WOMAN resides here anymore.
I CALLED HIM LATER AND HE ANSWERED AND ACTED LIKE HE DID NO WRONG.. HOW SWEET.
I STILL HAVE SOME WORK TO DO TO NOT LET HIM MAKE ME CRY BUT THEN AGAIN I AM ONLY HUMAN BUT HE HAS ALOT OF GROWING (up)TO DO. AND YES DO NOT GET ME WRONG HE IS AMAZING AND HE CAN BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN BUT HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT VERBAL ABUSE IS NOT NEEDED TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS . I DO NOT CARE HOW ANGRY YOU ARE. THERE IS NO PLACE FOR IT IN A GREAT M.
I will mention it tommorrow when he brings it up (that he does not need to get like that that there is no place for that here anymore).. b/c that is his 180 now he apologizes to me when I do not react and he blows UP and I remain serene and do not argue back....
I know I will be ok but earlier I wondered how did I remain so calm when I discovered the Tattoo that he still wears on his chest BTW.... he has promised to cover it soon more than once and I have not reminded him too much maybe just three or more times but then I will mention it again and he says I know honey I will cover it lets not talk @ it.... And then he blows up over something not near , anywhere near as ugly.....
Like I remind myself when I am feeling down @ how he gets sometimes and I doubt what all this hard work has been for at least I have a place in Heaven cause no I am not without sin but I know I have been to h*ll and back and I will go to heaven upon leaving this earth.....
Just last weekend he was being fabulous and even admitted he was jealous that I went out with My Aunt which he "approved" and was upposed to come along but instead chose to not tell his friends who stopped by to hang out that he had plans..
and that ( to admit Jealousy and not just be angry and yell to get his point across) for him is a GGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTT 180.
I was gone @ 4 hours ( stopped home for an hour or more in between )and he called @ 4 times that when was I coming home???????????? He knew My Aunt was coming to our towns Octoberfest festival for over a month and he was so excited to spend it with me,,, when we got married 10 years ago this festival was going on so it has good memories for us. I was taking sooooooooooooooooooo long. ( His exact words abd he was pouting too.... sheesh.) I told him when his friends left I would send a cab for him so he was not drinking and driving and he would say " NO thanks" like he was 4 years old.. Sheesh is he ever spoiled...this coming from a MAN that will go to his friends to " DRINK" for a bit and return 8 hours later. And this was honestly the first time in 8 or more years he allowed me to go out. he also apologized for letting me down and not going with me.... another 180 for him.. he is very proud and stubborn. Plus I had never mentioned I was upset that he did not come.. so when he did sorry and he was Jealous..
I responded with " Honey I did not go to make you jealous you told me to go ahead and I was not about to let her go out alone and YOU know I would have had alot of fun if you had come and Yeah I am sorry you didnt come too. It did kind of hurt my feelings thanks for telling me that."
Sometimes I wonder where I get the energy from... anyway thanks for listening ... God bless....
