I have to agree with Choc. Your H has his defenses up because he's afraid of being hurt again by you...that's a natural reflex. YOU are going to have to show your desire for him consistently (sucks I know, but if you want change...take charge.) If he refuses you or balks...say something like, that's ok...I'll try again later...smile and walk away. It's tough to do, but he needs to see YOU step up consistently...and more importantly, genuinely. Stepping up doesn't always have to be initiating sex either...it can be just initiating physical contact of some type, it can be leaving notes letting him know what you'd like to do to him, or how you think of him.
It's going to take time for him to trust that your efforts are genuine too...so YOU will have to work at not getting discouraged and understanding WHY he's so defensive. I've found that for me, while trying to work through shtuff in my M...empathy was one of my best tools.
