"Officially" piecing... now the real work begins..

[runningoutoftime]

Thanks for the support. I am working on things. Maybe this isn't the healthiest but I'm pulling back slightly. I'm also trying to focus on GAL and things that make me happy (just like during the divorce!!!). If worse comes to worse I could always try increasing the Celexa, but I'd like to avoid that if possible. I don't like relying on a medication, but at least if I get too obsessive I do have that option...

Unfortunately, there were a few bad moments over the weekend, but there were also some good ones too. We went to a birthday party and I was even nice to one of his closest friends (who supported the affair!).

But this is a struggle..... I'm really working very hard to stay "sane," be kind, and get that friggen OP out of my head.

On the good side things have been smoother yesterday and today. Christmas shopping seems to help

[DonH]

In the category of For What It's Worth...

"If worse comes to worse I could always try increasing the Celexa, but I'd like to avoid that if possible."

I too was on Celexa and didnt' get much of a response. I switched to Lexipro which is Celexa's more powerful cousin. It has worked, much, much better for me. Something like nearly half of the people that don't get relief from Celexa do get it with Lexipro as well. I have not had any side effects with either.

Again, it's just one guy's expierence. Keep it in the back of your mind.

[cat03]

If you are pulling back make sure you tell your H that you are not feeling well (ok, so he can see that but...) and that you need time alone, that way it wont' feel like a punishment to him, if that works for you more power to you, when I pull back it doesnt' seem to help me, but we all cope differently.

I pray that the bad moments are less and that when they come you are able to deal w/them in a healthy way.

Remember, the op just happened to be available, nothing about the person was so amazing or better than you, she was just there during a moment of weakness and bad judgment of your (and mine) H. I'll quote Aud who posted on mama's tread, something her mom told her as she too struggled with op's memories:

"Regardless of any of this, when it really comes down to it, YOU have much more power than OW. You are the mother of his children, the life-force of his home. She can never come close to that. He's not with her anymore, he's making efforts..."

[runningoutoftime]

Hi Don,

Thanks for sharing that. Interestingly I have a number of friends going through divorce right now who are all on Lexapro. I've heard good things about it and will keep it in mind.

So far I have found Celexa quite effective with no side effects, and I'm at a very low dosage (10mg). I'm glad to hear you're not having any side effects from the Lexapro. It's amazing how much ADs do help. Without the Celexa I know I'd be much more a basket case.

[runningoutoftime]

Hi Cat,

That quote is a good one to remember. Fortunately things are getting better although ironically I'm starting to have some of the "sex" problems people talk about. Lately I've started to worry that maybe she was "better" or "more exciting." It's funny because I'm always telling others to let go, have fun and be better than OP, and I'm now struggling with the whole thing.

Having only been with one person for over 20 years I'm wondering just how ignorant I am. What is "good?" How does a person know if they are "good" at this? Can it be so great being with the same person so long? I would think it must have been so great with this OP. Sure, I'm the mother of his kids and I've always "been here," and there is this strong connection of kids, family and having been together for so many years... but maybe I'm more like HIS mother.

I know I'm writing kind of negative, but things overall are good. I'm not talking about OW and we're being friends. Even though I might be distancing I still hug him a lot and tell him I love him (I'm a very "touchy feely hug-alot" person). But I have expressed my insecurities in the physical intimacy area and I know this bothers him.

[Mamabear]

Hi Root,
When you get a chance stop by my thread. I am having similar issues. Things between H and I have improved greatly EXCEPT in the sex department. We ML twice after he decided to "come back" (he actually never moved out, just basically checked out of the M). It has now been about 2 months with no intimacy. I am feeling hurt and rejected and think that maybe I am too boring in the bedroom. I know I need to let it go for a while and be happy that he is here but....
anyway, stop on over.

[cat03]

What is "good?"

There is a good passage about sex in the "passionate marriage". It's the person who you have sex w/that makes it good, it's your selfconfidence that makes it good, not acrobatics, it is the fact that you are ML w/the person you love.

I too have my moments of wondering about that, but you know what? to men it doesn't have the same significance as for women, my H told me it was just sex, to me it was a "joining of the souls" and that's why it hurt.

I've also been w/my only my H, no one before him. There is nothing he can say that will satisfy you (about how sex felt w/the op) you need to label it (the hurt and knowledge of his old SL) and remind yourself that that is old news now and that your H satisfies himself w/you, that you are the one he wants.

The knowledge will be there, but it is up to us to sterilize it, to see it coming and say "I know you, you are going to bring me grief, but you are not going to rule my mind", we need to minimize the amount of time we think about it.