"Officially" piecing... now the real work begins..

[cat03]

After much encouraging from my part to many DBers here and telling them pretty much to "not feel that way anymore" I realize that we all will have relapses, there is no way around that, the thoughts WILL assault us and try to drag us down... the key is to hold on and not let them drag us down too far, to hold on harder the next time and each time try to gain ground.

I'm slowly "caging" the bad thoughts, labeling them, telling myself "if you open this thought (mull over it) it will hurt, because it was an awful thing that happened/that H did, just let it pass, block it, you've already faced it".

I try to minimize the amount of time I spend rehashing stuff, yes, I will start thinking stuff but then I try to cut it short, reminding myself that nothing good will come of it. Slowly but surely I'm able to neutralize those thoughts.

I am in the process of quit demonizing the op, yea, she did such and such w/H, but it was H's choice, he was the one pursuing her while he thought he was divorcing me, name calling and thoughts of telling her off are useless, she just happened to be there, had it not been her it would've been just any other girl who happened to be there when my H's brain went downhill.

Found some picts yesterday, of jewelry of hers (ON her) that H had taken,I'm assuming so he can learn her tastes and buy her something. I remember how he took note of stuff I like when we where on the "summer" of our R, the puppy love. He pretty much was there, trying to woe her, in his attemp to "this time I'll do (R) right", but that in the end it blew in his face. How ashamed he became when it was over and how awful he felt about the damage he caused-- thankfully he did realizing it was all a mistake he deply regreted.

Running, let go of op and her details, I'm sure you like me are disecting every bit of info, really, in the big pict, they don't matter. I loved what I listened on my book on cd on friday, put this in your head: FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION, NOT THE PROBLEM.

You are having a relapse hon, it WILL go away, I know the pain is real, but fight w/the feelings of despair, remember, not all feelings are true, filter them and fight the negative ones, dont' act upon them. It is ok to feel bad, I ask my H to hug me when I feel bad, last night I even told him I was having "yucky" thoughts, he grumbled and asked why? and I told him the truth, that they attack me even when I dont' want to think abour them. I hugged him and stayed still for a bit.

Give yourself permission to hurt, forgive, the hurt will pass, forgiving won't dissolve the hurt but will give you a new chance to begin again, to accept what's happened and move on. Yes, your H did awful things, but dragging them will eventually do damage to your M, a bit like the damage he created, you don't want that do you?

Pick your battles, dont' ask for details, if there is something you need to know search yourself and see if indeed it is a "hill to die on". What exactly do you want to know?

Do GAL and fill your mind and time w/positive books/thoughts. Hope you feel better today hon.