Wow TL you've come up with some remarkable insights. Isn't it amazing how we can think we know our spouses and really don't. I can kind of relate with some things about your wife you mentioned. For example. I grew up sort of "tomboyish" and probably was slightly uncomfortable with romantic things when I was younger. While now that I'm older I'm much more feminine, and crave expressions of love and romance from my husband. I don't think he quite realizes this and has always seemed a little surprised when I've mentioned it during the last few years.

They say people don't change and in some things we don't, but I think this is an area where we sometimes do. Your wife may have also become more desireous of these things as she has grown older. I think sometimes we don't even realize these are things we want.

Maybe you should write your wife a song for Christmas! That's something I wish my husband would do for me (he writes music and has written songs for OW ). Of course, as the LBS it's not always easy to put your heart out. I do find myself still relatively guarded. Things have gotten better, but I still worry about putting my heart fully into my marriage.

Also, I still feel like I'm the "harder worker" in it and that's somewhere I shouldn't be. I understand you needed to go there, but I had the opposite problem and I need to fall back and let him put more in. I see him doing that, but in order for him to get his heart into the relationship he's going to need to put more. I do think he realizes this.... oh well time will tell.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.