I don't know Cat, my husband's previous A was with a married woman as well. The MC told me they choose married people because it's less messy (married people generally don't get as involved as single people). On the other hand, according to my husband he decided to leave anyway so there was no reason for him to limit himself to a married person.

So the question really... which I'm not sure has any importance at this point... is did the affair start up before he decided to leave or did he decide to leave and then start the affair (but didn't tell me he was leaving until months after it started!)....

I know what you all would say. IT DOESNT MATTER AT THIS POINT!!!!

Okay, okay.... I'm doing better. I went out with H Saturday night had two drinks and didn't fight about OW. There has been little bits of conversation about her (very very brief and nothing ugly). Overall things are going very well.

At some point I do want to discuss the whole morality issue and my husband's thoughts on this, but I'll wait until we're with the therapist. Right now I'm just suppose to come up with a list of needs and he is suppose to come up with one as well.

Weirdly, this is very difficult for me. I've spent so many months having zero expectations from him it's difficult for me to come up with needs.

(TL, I think your wife is a romantic who needs a gentle touch)

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.