I've been thinking a lot about everyone here, different threads and how each person is handling things.

One thing I've noticed, and maybe it's just the threads I read and where individual people are, is that it seems as if the husband's whose wives cheated are recovering more easily (or moving forward and letting things go) better than the wives whose husband's have cheated. Anyone else notice this?

I wonder if this has to do with women (in general) romaticizing while men (in general) tend to look at things more logically???

It's kind of interesting to hear what OP was to our spouses. TL I can understand how your wife must feel guilty with OM doing all that. In fact, because he did go to that length, I could imagine her romanticizing the whole sitch beyond reality. Cat, you are so fortunate your husband's OW was really heartless. More than likely that taught him a good lesson. At least he expresses his regrets about it well.

With my own H this area really concerns me. I'm not sure what he learned and where his moral compass points. Yes, he eventually came home, spent a huge amount of money through the whole thing (he now realizes just how expensive divorce is!), but I'm just not sure how much he has learned from all this. Even through he divorced prior to all the physical stuff, it bothers me that he didn't seem to care that she was married. It bothers me that he didn't mind getting that intimately involved with a married person.

Like, if it didn't bother her, why should he care? This disturbs me because it shows a general disrespect for marriage. This might seem trivial, but I spent three years before the divorce trying to get my husband to wear his wedding ring. He still hasn't put it back on (well he did leave it when he moved out!) and I don't wear mine either. He hasn't brought it up and neither have I. After three years of trying to convince him that it was important to me, I'm not going to bring it up. I'm not going to be a "broken record." But the way I feel is that marriage doesn't mean that much to him. That trait bothers me.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.