At one point, I said the same things to my H about going to be with her, because he obviously loved her and had a better connection with her than with me.
One day he angrily responded, "Why are you pushing me to her?" "Why are you trying to give me away?" "Don't you think I thought about leaving you for her? If I wanted to be with her I could have been left, she wants me to move in with her. I am here because I want to be here. I am here with you. There never was a contest. She can't hold a candle to you. She was just fun. She isn't worth losing everything for. Don't keep pushing me, because one day, I won't be able to take it anymore and I'll leave. I love you"
I was speechless, but I needed to here it. Everytime, I think about bringing her up or rehashing the past, I think about his that speech and the fact that every night he comes home at a decent hour and sleeps cuddled up with me in our bed.
It hurt... but I am trying to let his truth set me free from my racing thoughts and cutting tongue.
My dear, hang in there, half the battle is won, he is back home, where he should be. Enjoy every moment you have with him. Life is short. This is hard, but get to the point where you can bury her in your mind. Have funeral for the A and for OW and bury her never to utter her name or the A again. It is hard to bite your tongue and suppress your thoughts, but when you do the relationship with your H will improve. I am sure he feels bad for bringing this sit into your M. Don't torture him or yourself any longer.
Taking it Day by Day. There's gotta be a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
