"Officially" piecing... now the real work begins..

[cat03]

I just don't see a reason anymore not to try sex with someone else.

OK, I'll give you a good reason, because you are NOT A SLUT, that's why you arent going to have sex w/someone else, because you HAVE morals and you answer to a higher authority.

Darn it, READ the posts on my PA thread, heck, it's right below! please do.

there's a huge part of me that now wonders what it might be like to have sex with someone else.

I'll tell you how it will feel AFTER, not because I have tried (though I was so mad the day I found out that had there been bars around my area I was crazy enough to go and just pick anyone to sleep with) but I'm mighty sure you'd hate yourself to no end and would be sorry about it 'til the day you die.

Hon, as of this morn, last night and this week, the devil has been rehashing the details of my H's A, all the details and the stuff they did together, granted God is great and it doesnt' sting as it did before but I'm thinking about them and trying to close the door on those thoughts that do nothing but destroy.

Would we ever forget, prob not. Can we forgive them? yes we can, and then when we face them we can see them as a sad mistake from a tortured soul, not as a mean-spirited act that our H's did to hurt us.

When I asked my H about this very subject, if he now liked the kind of slutty woman the op was, he told me at the beginning it was appealing, then later it stopped being so "attractive", since she wanted no commitment and all the fun. That at that stage of his life he felt he had nothing to loose, that's how it is on a PA honey, they've fallen in this hole where nothing matters, so what the heck?

He didnt' do those things to hurt you, he did them to himself. And now forever your H wil carry the guilt of being so weak and of hurting you so.

I was thinking of all the details he had for her for the failed Vegas trip, the black book had a very detailed schedule of boat trips, shows, etc etc.
I HAVE to shut the door to those things, so do you, we are hanging on to rotten ropes that should be cut, it happened and we need to move on, how many times did Jesus say we should forget? not only 7 times, but 70 times seven.

I also had eyes for no one when my H was away, if my H was at the moment a cheat and a liar, I was by no means going to lower myself to that level, because there will be one day when "all things hidden will come to light".

So, nope, I don't think you have ridiculously high morals, you have morals, period.

Honey, I so understand you, but you must block those thoughts when they come with a "I forgave him and he is now w/me" make it a mantra, think how would life be if at this moment you'd be divorced. We can't believe they'd do such things because we ourselves would've never gone that far, but that is us, our Hs screwed up and we must face it, then move on.Darn it, wish I had my book with me, please please go to the library/store and get "healing the hurt in your marriage" and begin by the last chapter on restoring trust, (then read the rest of course).

We were also exclusive of others, we were our firts, and it hurt to think he had given of himself to other. But I have to remember now of the times he has sex w/me instead of picturing him w/the op. I'm happy to report that the op doens't interfere in my SL, I won't let her, it was NEVER about her.

Your SL can be special because it is not the act itself but with whom you choose to share yourself with, the ops where not chosen for their quality but for their availability and their willingness to whore themselves to a M man.

Now stop that crying, your SL is special, it always was and it will be because you give yourself to the man you love.