"Officially" piecing... now the real work begins..

[twist_of_fate]

I almost forgot our talk about drinking. It's me > ^. . ^ < had to change my name because H asked me out of the blue "you havent' seen my black diary have you?" and he NEVER has asked for it all these months, he's been here.

I fell out of the DB wagon smack on the head, I screwed up so bad it isnt' even funny, if you want to look at a bad example of DBing check believing_iseah's post on the infidelity forum
I won't have my own thread for a while.

I"ve never drunk nor goten drunk in my whole life, for a million reasons, last night in a mix of depression and PMS hormones I gulped down half a bottle of wine and sent an scathing TM to my H, the shock he's going to get when he opens it this afternoon Lets just say it had the words f'king, whore and piece of a$$, if anyone would've had to have 2 people holding my arms it should've been me

PLEAASSE, go to the infidelity forum and read 121's thread STOP LBS!! we both need a whopping gal, we're just digging our own M graves w/our behavior and inability to go past our anger.

I had the other's # (that's what I'll call H's exOP from now on, in an efford to neutralize her in my brain) and a copy of a check she gave H, the things I could've done, even this morn I thought "wouldn' it be funny if I give some kids a 20 and a cartoon full of eggs and show them the other's home?"
Then I realized how juvenile and petty I was being. No one put a gun to those women's head Running, our Hs went there voluntarily, so we need to lift the focus OFF them.

You aren't going to do more dumb stuff anymore do you hear me???? Because you are ABOVE and are better than that other one.

One things I learned when reading about anxiety disorders is that we give our feelings too much power, the fact that we are feeling a certain way doens't mean the feeling is true nor right, feelings play tricks on us and we must run them by the brain firts, kwim?

We can do better than this, we have to be stronger.