Okay.... I've changed and in some ways it's good and in other ways it's bad. Interestingly I've adopted and morphed into some of what I think attracted husband to OW. It's also what pulled him back into the marriage, but now I'm finding he might not be so pleased with it.... or????
Some of this really is me. I actually grew up this way. But in other ways I grew beyond it. The divorce sort of pulled me back in time. But I've also noticed this with others. A WAS's MLC throws the LBS into their own MLC.
I know I'm probably not making sense. I'll just describe what happened and maybe others can share their thoughts on this. I'm sure I deserve some bashing here. It's not the healthiest thing. Maybe my marriage can't be the healthiest???
During the divorce I went out a lot with single and divorcing friends. Even through I didn't date or get involved with anyone, I had a great time meeting lots of women and men, flirting, dancing, drinking, and just having fun. My husband thinks I should continue going out with my friends because he believes it makes me happier. I do enjoy seeing them and talking with them.
So last night I met two girlfriends and went out for a drink. I left at 6 p.m. and came home at maybe 9 p.m. Although I only had 1.5 drinks I was a bit toasted. I hate the taste of wine or beer, and love chocolate, so I got a chocolate martini (and then a girlfriend and I split an appletini). In addition, I only weight about 110 so strong drinks tend to make a bit of impact.
Well, even throuh I was loving towards my husband he was not pleased this morning. He said we need to talk. He said he doesn't like the idea of me coming back drunk.
Hummmm this didn't seem to bother him when we were divorced... he seemed to like it. Also, that's what he liked about the OW. She was a hard-core sorority party girl. He liked that she hung out with the group and drank. He was tired of being married to a dull "mom" who never drank and whose idea of socializing considered of luncheons with other married moms.
Another thing, a little maritial history here.... my husband in the past always liked to meet his friends (both single and married guys) and go out for drinks. However, he would stay out quite late. He used to do this about once a month, or once every two months. Because I had young kids and all my friends were married I'd stay home with the children and never go out. Even through I didn't complain about this, it did bother me. I knew they went to bars and I'm sure there were times he talked to other women (also, he hasn't worn a wedding ring in years so that used to bother me too). Whenever I mentioned this situation bothering me, he'd tell me I was too controlling and trying to keep him from his friends (of course, I would fully approve luncheons with his friends, poker, sports events, golf etc.... I just didn't like the late night drinking stuff). For many years I felt like I was my husband's mother.
Anyhow, now I'm in this weird place. I don't at all mind him going out. Now the kids are older (the oldest can babysit) and I have single friends too so I can go out as well.
Quite honestly, this whole thing doesn't seem healthy to me. Sure I have fun, yes I can trust myself, but is this really a good thing to be doing? Also, now that I'm okay with letting my husband do what he wants it seems ironic that he's not pleased.
Maybe there's something I'm missing? Maybe it's the level of inebriation bothering him? I should probably get more clarification.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
