Don't worry about hijacking the thread. You've brought up some important points. We really can't depend on other people. We can hope for it, but we can't expect it. The thing I've learned from this whole experience is I can only depend on me. I apprecate the positive things that others offer or provide, but when it gets down to it relationships are fragile and I'm thankful for friendship and love when I have them. But things always do change. Life is flux.
I don't think I would have ever regretted DBing during my divorce. I don't think acting any other way would have made me any happier. Or would it? I DBed with the idea the marriage was definitely over, but I'd leave the door open until the end and just work on healing and building myself up into a better person. A close friend of mine went into a divorce exactly like mine a month after me (WAS in MLC, non-serious affair, etc...). She didn't DB. In fact I'd call her an anti-DBer! I don't think she felt any better. If anything she does things which seem emotionally harmful. She continuously jumps into unhealthy relationships, sleeps around, has horrible fights with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, and continues to ride the rollar coaster.
Maybe this is a difference in individuals, DBing, whatever, but I think emotionally she has had a much more difficult time. Although maybe it would have been just as difficult for her if she DBed. Some people do recover more quickly than others. Also, maybe this differs depending on how one DBs. For me it gave me some structure to follow. I looked at it as a game plan for healing, forgiving and learning to move on if everything were truly over (which is definitely looked like!). On the other hand, holding even a tiny bit of hope for reconciliation was emotionally hard at times. Would it have been just as hard if I had completely closed and bolted that door? I don't know. Sometimes one does take a chance just in case they do become part of that smaller statistic.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
