I'm now "officially" here. Last week my husband called his attorney to stop the divorce and I called mine. The court dates are cancelled. So over the weekend and through this week he has been slowly moving back in. He had to pay his last month's rent and has been spending most evenings with me and the kids, and even staying overnight sometimes. So far it's going very well. Very comfortable.
However, it's not easy to give up half that closet! I basically took it over these past 6 months. But it is nice to see some men's clothing in there again. I had always left one of his shirts in there waiting for him.
One more difficult thing, half that bed! I got kind spoiled being able to spread out, roll around and sleep in any position I wanted.... oh well...
I'm really looking forward to piecing and trying to get my family closer together, stronger and healthier.
One thing that's kind of weird is I do think my husband truly did go through MLC. I've read books on it, and it did seem like he went through those steps. I'd say it's been a good 3 years of MLC (that's when a lot of his general dissatisfaction with life and marriage began). It's kind of nice to see him calmer and appearing much more content... actually it's sort of surreal... but it's nice.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
In my sitch, my W went cold turkey on her A when she told me, and we had no real transition period or separation. I don't know how that makes things different, but I've been at this a couple months now and having them in the home/bed and committed is real nice, but having them "close yet so far away" emotionally can be challenging.
Glad you're making progress!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
Thanks all for the nice posts! It's great to be here even though I didn't expect it. I was pretty certain it was all over and was mentally prepared to move over to the divorce board, so this is a very pleasant surpise. I'm glad my family is getting another chance to work and grow together.
I never saw my marriage as "bad" ... I think it had a lot of challenges: i.e. special needs kids (one with medical issues, and another with autism and OCD), a long marriage between two people who got married on the young side, normal communication problems, some immaturity in both spouses, etc...
I think what really tore it apart this time was a combination of my husband's tendency to run away from problems and avoid them (a pattern he realizes and admits to) and MLC.
Also, the affair, of course!!! This was my husband's second one. He had the first 11 years ago after the birth of our second child. Both were short mostly EAs (sliding into PAs), but still damaging. Weirdly, I'm finding it much easier to work through this second one. Almost like I've done it before, I know what to expect, I understand them relatively well. I never thought I could do this before.
Toughlover,
I can imagine the difficulty working through an affair without at least a short break from one another. Sometimes the break is a useful relief and the time away offers a good chance to heal. On the positive side you both can work towards healing together. Your wife must of treasured you and your family a great deal to leave the affair cold turkey.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
