thank you Rob, VERY good call. We talked this morning - to him, it gives him more sensitivity and is more sexual. I explained that it repels me and I don't want to see it or touch him. He is going to check out how long it will be before he can take it out. If it's 8 weeks or less he'll keep it. If it's more he'll give it up. During that time I have no inclination to be intimate with him in any way. I don't want to touch him AT ALL. I don't want to cuddle him even clothed. I don't want to hold his hand or touch any part of his body. To me with that in he's repellent. He knows this. See what tomorrow brings, I suppose.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
OK, Jen, I know how you feel. Not my thing at all either.
But I have to play devil's advocate a bit.
Suppose it's really important to H. Suppose it makes him feel young and "with it" and desirable, and he really wants to keep it. And suppose that by rejecting the ring, H feels that you are rejecting him - seems like you've made a very clear statement along those lines.
On the one hand, it is H's body, and he has the right to do what he wants to it. (On the other hand, I can't imagine why anyone would deliberately make themselves unattractive to their spouse!)
If it was hugely important to H that you learn to ignore (if not adore) the ring, could you do that for him? Or would this truly be the "deal breaker" that you are describing?
Like I said, I don't care for the idea either - but where does it really fit in the Grand Scheme of Things?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
thank you Rob - your posts on this have been wonderful. I suppose I deserve a lashing for acting like a spoiled brat, you've been very kind and helped me to think. I appreciate it a lot. The 2x4's don't help me much, your posts do. And I suppose I am actin the brat on this one. It's important to him as much as it repels me from him. It's annoying that he has LD but is willing to do things which bring him alone sexual pleasure, I've tried to look at things which bring us BOTH pleasure. I feel frozen out. He has asked me to let him find out if he can take it out soon. All I can do is ask him to remove it. I'm hoping time will help on this one. Certainly freezing him out right back is tit for tat and not useful. There has to be a solution to this which suits both of us, I hope we can find it.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
We talked just now, I apologised and we agreed it's not worth fighting over. We'll see when he goes to the piercing clinic today to see how long he has to leave it in for. I said 8 weeks is too long, I asked him to remove it but said I wouldn't force him to. I also pointed out if it's the sexual pleasure thing I'd rather we worked together on it to find somethign we both like. I also offered to get him a clip on nipple ring if he takes it out. We will see. It's certainly not worth the fight.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Still reading Jenny. That is a tough one, when something is important to one and equally important for the opposite reason for the other. Compromise is the best policy and that is what you two seem to be working on.
I am also proud to see you brought this issue up. You seem so much more secure with you and the R.
You seem to have handled a difficult situation really well and your H seems to be trying to find a comfortable solution for you both too. I agree 8 weeks is too long if you cannot bring yourself to go near him in this time. At least H is willing to go back to the clinic and find out. I hope he comes home with an answer that you both like!
Me 34
H 33
S2
Together 10yrs
Married 6yrs
Bomb 12th Aug 06
Ha ha!!! I hadn't noticed that either!!! Looks like he migh be getting rid of the tat in his tit!!! have offered the best compromise I can - he takes it out, lets it heal, we look at ways together of improving our SL, and maybe in the future I'll feel comfortable with him getting his nipple pierced again, in which case I have said I will pay for it. I think he's taking that - will see for sure when we talk tonight. The only thing I could offer him if he wanted to keep it right now was celibacy - harsh I know, but it turns me off SO much. At least with the offer above I'm not saying "no, never" I'm saying "no, not now, maybe later". We shall see. Thank you to everyone for their support here - I'd still be pretty lost without this place! I am worried I will screw up again, but the differnce I think this time is that H is prepared to listen to me now instead of stubbornly digging in his heels, cos he's seen the alternative that can happen if he refuses to listen and he doesn't like it.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Okay...I can't even begin to understand why it turns you off so much, but I respect it. If my H ever did that, I'd just have to laugh...so unlike him, you know? But...well, I got a tattoo, discussed it with H. He's not so into it, but it meant the world to me that he accepted it. It's in a discreet location, not somewhere he'd normally see unless it's, um, from behind .
On a somewhat masochistic/humorous note...you could just get on top...and, well...um...graze it a few times. Trust me: I have a piercing through the cartilege (sp?) on the top of my ear, and for a MONTH anytime I rolled over on that side, grazed my ear, etc., it was EXCRUCIATING. The pain might not be worth it to H <evil grin>
Seriously, though, I'm glad you guys are talking it through. That's important.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
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