Time to Rebuild

[Jen_Jam]

thank you Running - I agree that the solution based therapy could be a good thing for him. I remember one of our R talks ages ago, one that REALLY seemed to push things forward is when I said to him (something like) "you've been trying to work out what happened in the past to make you feel the way you do and you've come up with nothing. How about a change of tactic? Instead of trying to work out how you got where you are, look at where you want to be and decide how you're going to get there." He liked this as he called it "wiping the slate clean". I will certainly remind him of this if it helps.
5LL's - funnily enough my copy arrived today, I will start reading it lunch break today.
He is still very attentive and loving, and I am learning to detach from his behaviour if I don't like it. Example:
Last night I went ice skating, got home about 11pm with something to eat from a local takeaway. H hadn't eaten (I had told him I would be home about 11) because he said "I didn't know what you wanted to do about eating". In the past, I used to think we HAD TO eat dinner at the same time and would often moan at him if he was home late because I wanted us to eat together. I've let go of that now, it's not important to me, but H is still hanging on to it. I made no big deal of it - to deal with this I will carry on eating when it suits me and if he's there fine if not fine. H will eventually realise I've let go of that particular habit (demanding he be home for dinner), and thus will modify his behaviour. The point for me is I didn't make a big issue out of it and I wasn't going to then start organising his eating habits - he wanted a life "less regimented" now he's got it. If he has problems adjusting to that well I can't adjust him for him, he will have to do it himself. Does that make sense?