Hi running - thanks for the suggestion. I put that one to H a few weeks ago but he said he would rather read without any input, in case he felt he was being pushed etc.
Now he won't read the DR book cos he feels we don't have any M problems - I can't really argue with that! Reading DR is rebuilding the M MY way - he obviously wants to do things differently. Anyway, it only takes one to tango and I still do employ a lot of DB techniques (GAL, being less available, validating not arguing and so on) and they feel natural now. So I can still DB, he can do things his way. That's fine, as long as the M is happy who am I to tell him he's wrong?

General update - have fixed Sat night with H to talk about me, my childhood and low self esteem. He is fine with this and is interested. I think it will help him understand me and the way I do things sometimes a little better. We have had mini discussions about it, all ended by ME ha ha, and he did say he hadn't realised how deep it all went. We also agreed that my low self esteem played a huge part in our R breakdown - H feels good when he makes me happy, if I am unhappy he takes it on himself and feels bad. With my low self esteem there was NOTHING he could have done - it all had to come from me. It's also therapy for me - I want him to really "hear" me. Sharing this (and it will be difficult at times) will make me feel closer to him. I don't think it will do any damage to our M, so I've asked the question "will this bring me closer to my H or further away?" and "will it bring H closer to me?" and I think the answer to those is yes.

ANyhoo - I'll likely post on Sunday and let you know how it went.
Cheers all and thanks for reading - the crisis is over, but I still like to hang about

PS - Rob I owe you a BIG thank you! A while back I was upset cos I'd wanted H to cook dinner and when I got home he hadn't. You asked me if I'd actually stated what I wanted to him and I hadn't. You said guys don't often take hints very well and respond better to specific requests. This is my H to the letter - when arranging the Sat night he did say he prefered it if I said "I would like" rather than "it would be nice if". Thank you for bringing me up on that earlier on.


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.