Time to Rebuild

[Jen_Jam]

Just an update...had a R talk this morning and it went well.
H had promised to read DR, but he's only picked it up once in 3 weeks. I asked him about it a week ago, he said he wasn't ignoring it, I said fine.
Anyway, I got round to pointing out that to me him saying that he was happy to do things just to please me was a big problem for me. In the past he's gone along with what I wanted - or rather, I should say what he THINKS I've wanted - when he's wanted something different. It made discussions very difficult - eg I would suggest what to do on a night out and he would just agree right away, despite me asking what he thought. He pushed back his own feelings. I would then find out later that he'd talked about it to someone else saying he didn't really want what he'd agreed to. This hurt me a lot - he could be open to a friend but not to me.
Anyway- that was the past, he is trying to be more open. He asked if it was anything specific and I said it was his promise to read the book and then subsequently not doing it. I pointed out that I have no prob with him NOT reading it, I have a prob if he continues to say "yes I will" then not do it.
Upshot is that he feels life is so good that he doesn't need to read it. OK, I take that point. I think he should still read it but I didn't tell him that, it's up to him.
I told him I was scared, that the bomb I got came out of nowhere and I was afraid of another, but did stress that time is the only thing that will cure that.

After the talk we ML, and today has been wonderful - warm, peaceful, relaxed. Life is good. I still do avoid R talks too often, but I feel there is less need of them now.

Just an update really - life still ambling on, I'm getting more convinced that H is being honest with me now, i just goes to show that you can make all the changes you like and the only thing that will convince someone they are permanent is being consistent over time. I really understand that now.