Time to Rebuild

[Jen_Jam]

Just a quick reply to Jeff - thank you for your update, I really do appreciate honesty.
I've been thinking about it - yes I am worried that I cannot "keep" H's love, that I'll get it wrong and he'll leave again. My C is telling me too to be kind to myself and think about the things in me I really like. It's a tough job to do, and it's strange but it's harder when H is being SO NICE and SO LOVING!!! How can that not make me feel good?
But it's not all ..... so back to GAL'ing. On Saturday I went shopping and then left ALL the housework undone and it felt GOOD. Part of me is going through a "rebel" stage - trying to detach from that voice in my head which is my Dad's telling me how much better I would be if only....
For example, I rang them Friday, spoke to Dad and he asks how my diet is going. I'm not on a diet. I lost 50lbs a year ago but since the bomb have not really dieted proper. But I'm happy enough with my figure, I really am. He asks me "are you as slim as your Mum yet" and I got SO ANGRY he's always compared me to her and I've always come up wanting. My Mum is lovely, she doesn't condone any of this, but it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to be like her because she's a lot shorter than me and a really small build. I have an athletic build - broad shoulders, build muscle quite easliy, slim hips and to be honest i LIKE my body shape. Argh! I'm so mad at my Dad.
Anyway...I'm still going to keep up the C sessions and have arranged a couple of nights out with girlfriends, no H along so I can just enjoy being me. It's going to sound strange but finding things that I like myself is hard, I've always liked things I think I "should" like. I know I'll find a way through this though, patience with myself, I know there's a great girl in there I'm just rediscovering her.
Sorry - sounds like I'm DB'ing on myself here!!!