Time to Rebuild

[SDFoundGirl]

You've gotten great advice about the sitch. Remember when you first started DBing, you had to learn you couldn't control what the other person did. There is great freedom in that once you embrace it...remember? We are only responsible for ourselves.

However, I agree with Jeff that you have the right and responsibility to share your feelings about things. YOUR feelings, and then it's up to him to make his own decision. To me, that is my one non-negotiable, that H and I are honest with each other and don't avoid the hard conversations. Scary? Yep. That little "What If?" monster pops up a lot at first and tries to hold you back. But ask yourself, is it fair for your H to make a decision without having all the information and then you being angry with him? My H did this to me for YEARS, and it's at the root of my distrust of him. I don't believe he's telling me the whole story, his true feelings....

And so, listen to Jeff and the way he encouraged you to phrase it. With my H last Saturday it was, "I felt angry and hurt that you kept X information from me. I deserve to be told the truth and to have the freedom to feel how I feel. You are not responsible for my feelings; I am. I need to be with someone who will be truthful with me." It went over well.

(((Jen))) Hang in there. This is really hard. And, like you, I fluctuate a lot about whether I want to remain in this R. Unless a lot changes with my H, I'm pretty sure not. But until I know for sure, I'm in it. I'm guessing you are too.

SD