Time to Rebuild

[SDFoundGirl]

First, you have to really, truly forgive yourself. You are *gasp* HUMAN. We screw up sometimes.

Also, it is okay to be angry, it is just not okay to hold onto it or act out of anger. I think good relationships are when people are able to tell their S, "When you did X, it made me really angry." Anger is a natural emotion. I am still angry w/H about letter woman...mostly b/c he won't really talk about it yet w/me. When he does, I think it will be easy to let go of.

So how do we keep from changing back? By doing what we were doing during DB. Continue working on PMA, GAL, and finding love and acceptance for yourself. Keep working on YOU; your H sees what you've done, and that's why he was so able to deal with that situation. My H sees my changes as well, and that's why he's starting to accept those changes wholeheartedly.

Yes, I think this is hard, harder even than DBing. Do you know why? Part of it is adrenaline, but the other part is the fact our Hs haven't gone through the same transformation as we have. We don't trust that one little thing isn't going to set them off....my worry, Jen, is that I'll do one little thing to screw things up OR H will just flake out and take off. That's my issue right now, the issue we're going to spend a lot of time on in MC. Could that be happening for you as well? We can predict our own behavior, but no one else's. After all, this came out of the blue for us in the first place.

How do we trust that things are going well? How do we ever completely leave that tense feeling in our gut behind? Have you ever really, completely relaxed since this all happened in your H's presence? I haven't. It's always there in my mind, always. Even when ML. It's going to be there for a long, long time.

Your H had issues with the M, but so did you. He got what he needed, and now it's your turn. Use that new open communication to deal with these things as a couple.

SD