Time to Rebuild

[Jen_Jam]

Argh!!!! Putting it all back together has becoem so hard.
I messed up on Saturday - was feeling uncomfortable at the party we were at, had too much to drink and shouted at H in the middle of the party it was over than ran away.
I was a complete and utter idiot.
However, H and I have made it up - he says one wrong doesn't undo everything. We talked about it and this is a symptom of me bottling it all up. H knows I can be firey and he doesn't think that's a bad thing, but I have to channel that fire properly.
I am most ashamed of myself, I thought I had got rid of the bad tempered girl in me and she made a surprise appearance. I am so disappointed in myself.
Ironiccally, it has brought H and I much closer together
But I think now, and H agrees, we CAN finally talk. I am at such a crossroads because we are (in H's words) "creating something better than before" and I've realised I've carried about all my useless baggage from R to R in the past, now it's a comlpetely new start and I'm clueless!!!!
I've spent SO long trying to avoid R talk, now I have to have it (although I can't do it all the time, it's far too draining). I've left the DR book about and H has agreed to dip nito it and have a read - a few of the myths of M which I read to him last night surprised him. I suppose it might help if H and I were on the same page, so to speak.
So - I have to forgive myself for Saturday, and move forward. I told H I did feel some anger, that I acknowledge he didnt' want any anger but I said I still felt a little but made it very clear that I did NOT want this anger, I wanted to move away from it. I think he liked that.

So - to me right now piecing feels so hard, harder than DB!!!! I didn't expect this. I've been readin through as many piecing situations as I can but can't find anything so far. Yes the trust needs to be rebuild (by the way there was no OM or OW for us) but I'm not sure how. H and I are saying ILY a lot, I just don't want to mess this all up.
Is there anyone out there who has been through the rebuilding and can advise? I'm sorry I sound so clueless, I can't believe I've finally got what I wanted and now I don't know what to do with it - I'm scared of messing it all up again.