The only thing I'd still argue is the motivation. I just don't think that everyone is asking for help with the altruistic motive of saving the WAS/cheating spouse from themselves. I'm not sure when you look at the newcomers board that this is about looking out for what is best for the LBS and WAS. If that was true, then the response wouldn't be so stereotypical, even of those that don't ever DB--We grasp onto the spouse that is leaving, and then grasp onto this DB lifeline as a method of getting them back instead of the usual begging, pleading, crying, and sending gifts that is employed by the non-DB group. If we didn't have DB, the LBS would still be doing something that felt like trying to save the marriage. In almost every marriage or other meaningful relationship there is one person that isn't ready for it to end and that includes relationships where it should end...one's where it isn't in the best interest of the one that left to stay in it (abuse, etc). Why is that? Does the LBS always know best? Is it because all relationships are in both parties' best interest, the one walking away just doesn't understand that? Is there something more worth saving in a marriage of 3 years to a live-in unmarried relationship of 6 years? What about relationships with no kids, as opposed to those relationships with kids? I'm just throwing out food for thought....not fodder for fighting.
I do agree, that eventually the LBS does start looking at things realistically. They start seeing their spouse for who they really are and make an informed decision of whether this person is right for them and whether there is a marriage worth saving and then they decide how much they can take before giving up.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
